LIFE IS ONE BIG EMPTY CANVAS

once upon a time

2008-07-28T23:55:00.002+02:00

she believed his lies

enticed by his allurement

his false promises

she trusted his words

blinded by his pretences

his gestures

and in the end

all masks removed

she saw him for what he was

not the prince he promised

but the frog he disguised

another soul bruised by lies

for you

2008-07-24T13:46:00.001+02:00

were you there?
did you bother to show?
do you care?

all those faces there
just for you
all those flowers laid down
just for you
all those words spoken
just for you
all those tears shed
they were all for you

were you there?
did you bother to show?
do you care?

love can conquer

2008-07-22T21:50:00.002+02:00

can you feel it?
you're surrounded by it
but do you know it's there?

they hold you close
they care
they radiate

can you feel it?
it flows throw your veins, your very being
but do you know it's there?

we laugh
we cry
we hurt
it's always there

can you feel it?
it's what you were built for
but do you know it's there?

learn to love
it's what makes us
what seperates us
it's what you were meant to do

when the dead speak

2008-07-15T22:13:00.001+02:00

i felt him tonight
i was there,
in the last few minutes

i there
i was him

the wind, the sand, the sea, the scent
i could feel it
i could taste it
i could smell it

i was there
i was him

the emotions
flooding in
drowing me

i was there
i was him
and now i understand

and then there was one

2008-07-09T13:35:00.003+02:00

you're gone.

it's over.
and nothing can change that.

you never mentioned you were at the edge.
maybe if you had we could have changed it, thrown a rope, pulled you back.
but instead you smiled and stepped forward.

you bastard.
how could you.
it was planned, you knew all along.
you said your last goodbyes.
you smiled your last smile.

selfish bastard.
you knew.

i hope you're happy.
that you realise what you've left behind.
i hope the anguish haunts you.
your family, your friends.
we all cared about you, did you take that into consideration?
did you think about us when you pulled the trigger?

so here i'll stand, just another face in the sea of those mourning for you.
but i won't mourn, not for you.
understand why.

i'll place the white rose on your coffin.
and hope you finally find the hapiness you crave.

hearts in the sand

2008-07-09T13:22:00.003+02:00

as the seconds tick by, as time gathers in its hasteful manner,

the lust i feel for you only grows stronger.
i long to feel the fiery carress of your skin against mine.
the touch of your hands, the passion behind every kiss.

i live for the moments we're alone,
the murmered words that contain more emotion than i've ever felt before.
my body craves the affect you have on it,
i've turned into an addict and you're my brand of heroin.
never before have i felt so strongly about another soul,
i feel as though i am finally complete.

there are occasions my humanity gets the better of me and i am prone to jealous fits of rage, where another looks at you a split second longer than she should, or accidently touches you in a queue.
my heart lurches and the ache i feel is overwhelming.
but then you look at me.
and the aching subsides.

there are nights i wake up automatically reaching out for you and all my hands find is the cold and empty void.
it's in these moments that i know, down to the deepest core of my soul, that i truly need you and don't merely want you.

selfish

2008-07-09T13:15:00.002+02:00

what thoughts run through the mind of someone about to commit suicide?
how dark must that hole they are in be that they see no light, no guiding hand, no other option?

is it merely the soul giving up hope, seeing the body, the life, as a lost cause or is it something predestined. is suicide part of the bigger picture like a car accident or earthquake. and if we had to agree we could then also pin murder, assasination, rape.

suicidal thoughts run through us all, we've all thought about it. maybe not in the publicised sense. but those thoughts of "what if" and "what could have been" are also forms.

do those that are pushed close enough to the edge take the people they're leaving behind into consideration? do they realise the selfishness of the act they're about to commit, or has the world numb them to such an extent that they simply don't care anymore.

just listen

2008-07-09T12:59:00.002+02:00

how easy music changes us.

how easy it effects our moods.

a single song can bring a flood of memories and emotions rushing in.
it's undenyable the important role it plays in our lives.
it's as if it calls to you,
although there are no words to describe what it promises.
it's like a secret language you never forget how to speak,
a hometown you can return to when you're tired of what life is throwing at you.
it's a place you're always welcome.

how cruel are we

2008-07-07T10:03:00.002+02:00

how cruel a race are we, that we are able to condition ourselves not to care.
we say we do, but it's a lie.
and when we repeat it often enough we fool even ourselves into believing it's the truth.

but if you really cared you'd be able to tell me about your fellow coworkers, your fellow students, your housemates.
and not gossip.
you'd be able to tell me about their children, their health, their holidays.

you sit there behind your desk and see their faces everyday.
but did you know that william's 20 year old daughter needs a lung transplant?
that megan recently got engaged?
do you know the name of the guy who cleans out your dustbins?
most of you don't know, because you've never deemed them important.

we try to put everyone in a box, to dim the light of those who shine differently.
label them as outcasts, we don't tell a rainbow not to be colourful, so then why?
because they don't conform to our standards.
are we so cruel that we push them to self destruction, to mutilation, to a point of no return.

why.
why can't we accept people?
why can't we care?
because we don't even accept ourselves.
that's why.

day two, nandos and pink rulers

2008-04-09T14:01:00.003+02:00

TIME: 14:00
DOING: on a mental break
LISTENING TO: "won't back down" --> Tom Petty
MOOD: not happy - cold toes
WEATHER: warm and sunny outside, cold and frosty inside

So it's officially my second day as a personal assistant. not that i assist very much :P
was handed papers today and told to reconcile the numbers...
"you want me to what"
never-the-less... thank the stars i could phone Rey and ask her what the hell it meant - i dropped accounting in std 7 already... don't ask me debit and credit etc...
that's why you hire accountants.
other than that debacle things seem to be pretty normal and routine - i get documents handed to me and people to phone, i collect money (fun fun) and andwer the switchboard (which is definately not as simple as it seems, as order would have it i'm sure there is a college degree needed for it) but i just press buttons and hope that it works... which it sometimes does.
and if it doesn't - well let's just say i have become an expert at apologising.

considering that exams are a mere 3 weeks away you'd think i'd be hauled up in a corner somewhere glaring my fangs at whomever so much as breathe in the wrong manner, but instead i am calmly clicking away on the keyboard and telling you about it.
decided that there is no use in stressing, the worst i can do is fail and have to retake the exams, which in this case would mean yet another year of loafing around and aquiring some amazing yet useless skills.

i answered the most amazing phone call today.they lady asked to speak to whomever was incharge of the BEE status in the company.
as if load shedding isn't enough... it's coming to the point where i want to high-tail it back to germany.
taking into account the rate at which this country is degrading i'd say we should all log onto gumtree and place an add so we might find some willing sod to marry us just so we can obtain a green card.
it might sound creepy, but hey.
you do what you have to do.
right rudolph?

on my lunchbreak i had the fortunate opertunity to step outside...and here i am, wearing two pairs of socks, ugg boots, hoodie and scarf and still i have cold toes and blue fingers.
it's like stepping out into hell after being stuck in purgatory for a period of time.
now i'm one of those creepy people that prefers the rain and snow to the blistering heat of the south african sun, but it was a nice feeling to sit and defrost for a few minutes.
and then of course the lunchbreak ended and i retreated back into my little cave of silence and mental blocks.

i have a rather well aged car... ('92 citigolf) which i'm not complaining about. her majesty is an absolute beauty - i have made her my pet project (new seats, tires, rims, paint, sound.)
now, where as the rents on the other hand both drive the latest model mercs, daxi an AMG V8 e-class and mum a rather sportsed-up (for a merc anyway) a-class.
and this is where the problem comes in... neither can understand why i so vehemently refuse to give up my baby for a new yaris or mini "they're safer" "newer" "less hassle"... the last one is my favorite, you see, over the period that i have had her she's only ever been in to the garage twice.
once for a full service and second because they screwed with my clutch during the service.
any other time is merely for upgrades, a little nip-tuck.
whereas the mercs are a whole different story, you can't simply jump start them if the battery is dead, the electronics screw up... (okay so they have speed, boy do they have speed.)
but this is why her majesty will have her place in the driveway a little longer.

and my point?
i get off work early today as i am playing taxi again because the mercs electronics are fried and it needs to go in.
now why don't they just pick a simpler, lighter on the budget car.

well, considering that it's already well past 1 i doubt i should procrastinate the study thing any longer.

Tuesdays, electro shock exercise and a chocolate cookie...

2008-04-08T22:03:00.003+02:00

TIME: 22:22
DOING: avoiding studying
LISTENING TO: "make you smile" --> +44
MOOD: deleriously happy
WEATHER: bout 11 deg

I always hear people complaining about Mondays... but when was the last time you stopped to think about a Tuesday, why it's there and what it's for.
All it does is remind you just how bad yesterday was and that your weekend is officially over, if it were up to me I think Tuesday's should be the "blue" day.

I"m pretty sure there are many of you that understand exactly what i mean when i mention the words "student budget"
Now, i know you're nodding your head and smiling, we've all been there... some of us are still there.
So in aid of my many many rather account racking adventures and quests for knowledge the step parent decided i need to earn my keep.
This might stem from the fact that at the current point in time i am studying mathematics (calculus, algebra, etc etc...) aswell as physics and chemistry.
why? you might ask. well, when i have figured out the answer to that then i shall let you know.

So as of today i have taken the place of his secretary (who has not been harmed in any way - not by me anyway - and who is currently on maternity leave).
How do i start my first day? by taking a 5 hour lunch break :)
it was for a good cause (atleast i thought so before i was tortured).
my little sis is a student at the international academy in the cbd and is currently a ball of nerves about her final years entrance exams (today being one)...
so taking DNA into consideration and the price of airfare to Rio i came to the conclusion that doing the sisterly thing and offering up my body as a sacrifice to the torture of budding beauty therapists would be a much cheaper and safer option.

-- i was sadly mistaken.

at first it went well, considering i almost swallowed my lip ring a few times and had to stand in my skivvies while i was analised and marked with red liner on certain areas (it could be closely linked to bad hasing rituals in a national lampoon movie starring paris hilton...) much to my surprise i survived, only to learn it was only the flour in the batter...

there is a machine...you could call it the lazy-mans's gym, it sends electric pulses straight into the heart of the muscles, bypassing the brain altogether.
in other words you get toned and loose weight without the hassle of a gym.
only problem is, that the somatologist-to-be decided that working on my tricep muscles (after being told they're prefect) would be a splendid idea.
never-the-less, i was all but strapped to the plynth, when without so much as a warning she hits the on button.

all i can say is -- national secrets have been given up over less extensive torture methods.

Now... after 4 hours of treatment that is probably not even legal in most parts of civilised culture any more all i wanted was a smoothie and a large chocolate cookie.
it's not too much to ask for right?
wrong.
aparently even though the CBD is not affected by load shedding "due to obvious reasons" (-- though they think nothing of load shedding hospitals) it is affected by government hours. people pay for over priced apartments to live on the mountain as it is "the" place to be, i mean whats better than living in town right? everything closes at 4, there are no video shops, no restraunts that don't require your college fund as a deposit for the breadsticks, no smiling faces.
i honestly don't see why we aren't all living there yet.

and all i wanted was a chocolate biscuit...

early bird

2008-01-27T08:10:00.000+02:00

okay...
can you belive it's 08:13 on a sunday morning and i'm already up, showered, dressed and up to date on all my e-mails... you can? gawd, good for you 'cause i can't. only arrived home after sunrise this morning... good times.

the bulgarian had his 21st last (been to better), met a few interesting people there, ended up droping gatting off at home and missioning out to babs with two rather random guys i met on the swing chair thingy in the bulgarians back garden.

interesting times man. okay, i feel the sleep deprivation slowly starting to numb my body so i shall make this a short post, love you and leave you and go catch up on some good old fashioned detective series... hell yeah!

sushi, sparky and blow jobs on the beach

2008-01-15T10:07:00.000+02:00

okay... you seriously do not understand how hard it is to find decent sushi photos. it's as if photographers have no interest in it... who's not interested in sushi? what's there not to like about it?!

lol, went out after work with gattina and the zimbabwean last night, just did the usual bf location, was nice. rather busy considering it was a monday. saw sparky, he can and gave me a hug then asked if i'd been to the beach that day, i laughed and reminded him i'm a sushi chef... hahaha, he quickly saved himself and said i smell like coconut, told him to stop smoking cause i smell like vanilla. and then it clicked.
had some good conversations with sparky last night. more than we usually speak. when i was waiting for gattina to come back from her little adventure on the beach he came to wait with me outside.

finally met the jamaican's gf, she definately does not seem like his usual type, she better not fuck him over because then she'll have to deal with both gattina and myself...
the zimbabwean got completly trashed... he actually had money seeing as bond was at the restraunt last night and he always leaves a decent tip.

played some pool and had a couple drinks then went home, nothing special.

it is one thing getting your drivers, paying petrol and being used by friends is a completely different story. i think from now on i'm not going to take gattina out anywhere unless I want to go out. like on wednesday and saturday. i'm not amped. but i'll go out friday... so long as everyone realises they have to start chipping in petrol money. i'm not a taxi - and even taxi's you have to pay.
i need a good lay this weekend, wonder if an old friend will help out... mmm... i have a feeling getting him to comply won't be too hard.

logged on after i got home last night. caught the russian in a mood i haven't seen before... let's just say the conversation revolved around small tents, biting and scratching... which obviously does not solve or help my dilema but it does make me think our reunion is going to be one for the books.

speaking of reunions... gattina isn't even going to be here for my birthday, i'm expected to go to hers but she'd rather go see ichael o than be here for mine...
i might just have to work the day of her birthday.

i've got the answers, can someone please tell me what the questions are?

2008-01-14T09:03:00.000+02:00

okay...

i promised i'd update daily, but in all honesty this time round it was not my fault!

telkom decided to cut our interet and we couldn't even hook it up to the phone 'cause after the house was struck by lightning pretty much nohting worked. meaning we were back to the rubbing sticks together for fire days. okay, maybe not that bad but without my internet i felt like a heroine addict without her fix. sad, very sad.

well, in the mean time i have aquired position as a manager and sushi chef in a little restraunt called "rollin' sushi" in parklands, long hours and i'm not used to managing people but i'm getting used to it. and atleast i get time to study when there aren't any customers so all is good.

i saw the x at the traffic department on friday (IPASSED MY DRIVERS) he wouldn't even greet me. some people children. i wish he'd just get over himself. yeah, we dated and then i left him. but i mean come off of your high horse! anyway, i'm over it now.

so what did i do to retaliate him? hooked up with an old friend again that evening.

i'll let you in on a little secret though, the traffic department at milnerton... pathetic. i had to fight with them for two weeks trying to get the date of my test because i lost the slip. in the end some afrikaans lady helped me out and she even ended up being my testing person. sometimes there is rightness in the world :)

what other news do i have for you? mmm...

not much really, christmas is over and a new year has begun. life continues as always.

but i do intend on blogging daily, or whenever i have a chance to. i'll make that my new years resolution :)

oh yeah... attended seether concert with gattina last sunday. was an acoustic set at kirstenbosch. was really really good. and i work with the zimabwean... he's a waiter. can you believe it. have to see him daily now. lol. oh well.

aaaaand... i'm buying a bike for myself, zimbabwean is going to teach me to ride it and pass my test on it. paying R5000 jacket, gloves and helmut included. it's a good deal and only cause he needs the money and doesn't really want the bike anymore. it's good as a first time bike for me so i'm happy.

just picture it: orange honda cbr 150 with a 250cc engine and performance parts, with my in a mini, biker boots and leather jacket... mmm - very sexy ;)

so excited... can you tell?

-- so let's slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful --

2007-12-06T09:43:00.000+02:00

please understand, this isn't just goodbye this is "I can't stand you"...

So today started off showerless and some sod went and burst the main water pipe down the road so until such time that they can send out a useless marmite monster we are stuck with the choice of going for a swim or phoning a friend, honestly in my opinion i'd rather phone a friend, the pool might be heated but our lovely neighbours in the flats next door are not in for a free porn show, well not from me anyway, I'm sure heather would be happy to oblige these days unless she's still online her lesbian facade that is.

The masons dinner wasn't too bad last night, for a secret society the have a rather HUGE and really inconspcious sign out front. but the creepy part is that there are no windows, it's a completely windowless building except for the bar area that has glass doors and the game-keepers house that has windows. They also have a huge triangular marble memorial thingum at the front door for all the masons who took part and died in the first and second world wars, the entrance room is also filled with really large portraits of past master masons and honourable brothers, and of course there is a rather life-size portrait of a duke of some sort above the entrance doors and a picture of the queen in her youthful days to the left of said doors.

In the begining I spose we were all bored... until I offered my services as a raffle selling person, aparenyly I made quite an impression above mentioned masons and their spouses, which is not surprising seeing as I hustled money out of all of them.

I think I mentioned in yesterday's quick blog that Ichael O is now in cpt visiting Gattina, which of course has led to the fact that I am currently friend-less and have been spending considerable amounts of time alone with the boys and can now tell you all their inner workings and plans for the immediate future. So, lending to the fact that my closest friend is now on a cloud and unavailable to the rest of us unlucky sods, you'd think I'd be studying more than when she is really around but you're wrong. I can't seem to wrap my head around anything these days. I'm afraid I'll turn back into a zombie one of these days, keeping myself self and in a bubble but hurting those around me without even trying, I seem to be really good at that part.

I bought myself a new friend today - a siamese fighter fish, it's the ugliest one they had and most likely hte ugliest one you've ever seen but it's mine now and atleast I'll have someone to keep me company.

Why is it that the times you try and avoid people are the times everyone attempts to give you attention or needs you for something?

What is it about the crashing of the waves that calms a person down, there's something in that relentless crashing on the shore that brings up every fear, hurt, angry emotion in you and drags it back with it, washing you clean off all your worries and thought for that brief period of time, you feel free, like nothing around you matters, nothing but the waves crashing around your legs, the mountain on the horizon and the kites making colourful weaving patterns as they catch the wind and drag their handlers behind them as if they were nothing but ragdolls being thrown between the waves. The foam, the way a waves arches right before it becomes too heavy and breaks on itself, it doesn't matter if it makes a mistake because it'll just be drawn back into the current to help the next one reaching for the shore. Don't you wish you could live your life like that, an unlimited amount of chances for every choice you make? life would be so much simpler, or would it? What would we do if we knew we'd never die, never age, grow old, what would we do if we had unlimited time, unlimited chances for the choices we make, if we could go back in time and change what we did, would we? or would we choose to leave things as they are and live the life we've forged for ourselves but this time take more conscious actions, think about what we do before it's done and set? Maybe it's better not knowing, better that we no longer can, that we are no longer able to, but isn't it sad that we've become so out of sync with nature that we can't see when she's hurting, that we can't let her help us?
Go stand in the waves, just drive home from work or school or wherever, take off your shoes and walk straight in the waves. Just stand there, don't think, don't move, don't worry about the petty things, just stand there and let the waves crash around you... the sound and feeling is worth more than any shrink you could ever afford.

Okay, if i've been a bitch to you or ignored you the past few days don't feel too special. I've been cranky and avoiding people in general. I even turned down Gattina to join the two of them at stones tonight, something about sitting in a bar watching the two of them together... ugh, my stomach is already making quesy noises. Atleast brothers & sisters is on tonight and so is C.S.I and if I really really get bored i'll just mission to Jamaica's place.

BTW - my fish now has a name: seeing as it's christmass season... his name is "tinsel" yeah yeah, shut up, it's my fish so I get to name him. Deal with it.

"and i think i'll blow my brains against the ceiling, and when the fragments of my skull begin to fall, fall on your tongue, just think happy thoughts..."

- hibernation is over -

2007-12-05T18:03:00.000+02:00

My apologies for the extended period of absence. Between leaving Europe, getting home and starting studies things have taken a lot of unsuspected turns and I've been knocked a little sideways the past few weeks. But it's time to stand up straight again and fight for what I want so I'm back... and with vengence.

Let me give you a brief run-through on what you've missed, I say brief because if I had to fill you in on all the juicy details and inner workings i'd most likely be sent to a white padded room with no windows for a very long time.

So here is a brief synopsis:

--> Ross has left cpt and is now living with his fiance' in pta (neither of which he told me and I had to find these facts out from someone else)

--> I now have 3 boys, yes. Tamlyn and I have pretty much adopted Carl, Tito and Matthew and even though they are all a year our senior it's still us taking care of them.

--> Anthony has returned from the UK, I have as of yet still not spoken to him since he returned.

--> I'm studying mathematics, science and biology at the moment.

--> I'm jobless.

--> And as of Sunday Michael is in cpt meaning that I've pretty much lost yet another friend as Tamlyn is MIA now that her Michael is here, meaning I don't exist.

So there you have the short edited and child friendly version of what's been going on around here. I promise that as of tomorrow I won't write this formal again AND I will keep you fully updated on my daily adventures and misdemeanors...

Hibernation is over - and I'm back

quick quick

2007-10-15T18:39:00.000+02:00

Okay i guess i i've been sort of out of the loop for a while haven't i... my bad. really sorry i haven't updated in a while, i guess i just used to blog for mom and now that i'm home i kinda forget that there are other people that read this aswell and not just the old wench...

well my first weekend back i obviously had to go out <-- queue the photo - lindy, shane, moi, ozzy and tae... this was at the bang bang club, after we'd smoked sheesha at cubana's and partied with the lesbians at beula's...

since then not much has happened, the weekend after i sort of just chilled. tae and i had a pizza and dvd night and yeah, was fun. last weekend i went with tae to a braai at mats place and then sat i joined lindy and jens at the most boring 21st in the history of mankind, but hey.

got my first driving lesson at 09:30 tomorrow morning - saves me from painting again! yay... mom is calling for supper, the joys of being home... catch you all later, will jabber away a little further if i remember. mwah

-- home at last --

2007-09-25T08:47:00.000+02:00

well, just letting you all know i am home again, safe and sound. loosing my sanity though, all this attention is way too much for me. have a job interview at mexican kitchen today though, way... been here 2 days and already i have an interview... works for me i say.

my whole weekend is planned already aswell, i have to try and find a way to canal walk so i can exchange my euros into rands because right now i am so dead poor, and i really do hate asking the rents for money, which is the reason i have that interview today.

this week is pretty much boring until friday and then on the weekend i have no time to breath. okay, well i really sont feel like typing right now, just thought i'd let you all know i'm home again.

mwah mwah, will let you know about the flight and shite later...

-- my bad, will try update more often --

2007-09-20T08:50:00.000+02:00

wow... i really should learn how to update this thing more often. used to do it daily but these days it just seems to slip my mind, oh well. once in canada i'll have to learn seeing as the time difference is so huge i'll never be able to talk to anyone, unless we really compromise. i should really learn to stop saying really so much...

well this week has been pretty uneventful - monday i had off so angie was here and playing with j most of the afternoon, all i had to do was make a salad; tuesday j stayed home cause he had o.t with edith... why he stays home the whole day i really don't know but oh well, was cold out so i made a fire and we painted and built legos. yeasterday we went swimming at the prinevera again, was nice but for some or other reason the time just wouldn't go fast enough, seemed to bloody stand still yesterday... today we are off to town as we need to take library books back again and take out a few new ones. i have to make spätzle tonight... its so gross... if only you knew how much cheese and butter goes into it... blah.

oktoberfest starts this weekend, i know basti said we have to go but will see what happens, sammi wanted to spend saturday in salzberg so we can see where the sound of music was made and so on.

well gerhard is up so i no have to go vaccuum the house (i have a rather faint memory of angie telling me that the kitchen and j's room are my only cleaning responsibility... mmm, where does fixing the washing machine and ironing all the clothes come into that...)
hugs and kisses to you all.

sunday again

2007-09-16T10:00:00.000+02:00

wow, i can't believe the weekend went by so quickly. time seems to be loosing all sense of control, but then again i guess it always does this time of year.

My weekend was good, as you know j was at his grandparents the whole weekend and only here a few hours during the day, as usual today is my off day so i am sitting here half reading and half chatting to my sister with the music playlist on random trying very hard not to think about the stupid wisdom tooth trying to come out. i'm wise enough damnit! at least i only have the 3 so once this one is out there are only 2 left to worry about.

got the 3rd installment of the twilight series, definately my ultimate favorite right now (the series i mean) so obviously my weekend has revolved around starting it after i re-read the other first. love them, can read them a million times and i still get choked up in the same places and laugh so loud people look at me funny in others. weird but true, still waiting for my edward to come along, i'm sure he'll arrive eventually...

cut and coloured my hair yesterday, was a little depressed so i bought my comfort colour and found a pair of scissors... helped alot.

yeah, just waiting for sammy to phone, think i'm supposed to take a train to her this morning but you know us, we never make solid plans... lol

fuck my tooth is making me so nauseous, hate it.

well let me go and find something to do... even though we all know i am going to end up with my book again. lets just hope i don't kill this damn cat before his owners get home. its really starting to piss me off... i hate the french... even their cats are annoying (tupzee is from france)

yeah, i am still alive. well kinda anyway...

2007-09-13T22:48:00.000+02:00

okay i have been really really bad at keeping this thing updated the past month or so and i'm really really sorry... how often haev you heard that before? lol.

so... things are okay here i guess, angie and i are doing the whole fake smile thing and then complaining when we think the other isn't around... go figure. but am going to ask her if i can leave here come end october cause i need ot be back in sa to do the canadian visa. you know, i was thinking what people will say, seeing as i'm leaving this au pair job to do another au pair job even though i'm not all that happy here but the thing is the language i think, german is just depressing me. sure i can now say i am fluent (pretty much anyway) but still, i need english. angie and i were never able to actually get to know each other before i got here seeing as she speaks no english and at the time i couldn't speak much german. but with tara it's different, i mean we talk about the weirdest things, and talking to her seems easy. we have horses in common and even though i am probably going to die in the -35°C that they get there i think it will defintaly work out. i have no doubts, no butterflies, no second thoughts unlike with my decision to come here. weird as it sounds, i have a feeling all this was supposed to happen, like you have to beat through the bush in order to find that perfect meadow. okay, no the best metaphor but you know what i mean.

please remind me not to date again, men drive me insane. a casual relationship, that's what i am going to have from now on, if men can have them then why can't i? i mean i'm still young, i might aswell have fun while i can and see the world while i'm at it... cross a few things off my to-do lists and so on.

angie and gerhard are on the "cabrio tour" with her Z1 (BMW) in italy until monday, so i have julian during the day from 13:00 till 18:00 and then i give him back to his gran. which is all good... means late nights and sleeping in for a change. think i'm going to take him to prien tomorrow, we'll take the bus in, get ice cream and whatever. not really sure what we can do but yeah, maybe walk back to the house afterwards, take the scenic route and just enjoy it... hahaha, yeah right. but oh well. will decide when i fetch him tomorrow.

so mom, if you're home, send me an sms and i'll come online... can have a nice chat. have alot to talk to you about. miss you...

and now if you'll excuse me... i need to go read (re-reading twilight and new moon, going to ask danny to help and buy eclipse over amazon tomorrow, seeing as it only arrives in germany next month and i soooo can't wait that long.)

-- quick quick --

2007-09-08T22:28:00.000+02:00

-- day was boring, read most of the day, laughed with angie and baked 3 cakes... that's about it

was woken up at 5 this morning by the sound of gun fire... another damn bride being woken up on her wedding day (tradition here)

got my contract from tara today. she'll post it tomorrow and it send it via courrier, so lets see how long it takes.

off to bed to read my book, sorry for the quick blog but kak tired and squishy isn't helping much in keeping me awake either.

mwah mwah, wish me luck with the party tomorrow - 21 people in total

fuck! i still need to wrap julians gifts... okay gta run. ciao

-- mwah --

2007-09-07T10:30:00.000+02:00

TIME: 10:46

DOING: talking to mom and tae

LISTENING TO: mom talking

MOOD: strange

WEATHER: still kak cold

can you believe it's friday already? time really does seem to be flying past us with an alarming speed, tonight Tara e-mail me the contract so we can fill out the final kinks and so on then she signs ans posts it to me so i can start with the visa stuffies.

meaning that somewhere in the next 2 weeks i am going to take a train into münchen and hope that i don't get completely and utterly lost. this should be interesting. then have to talk the canadian gevernment, hope i have all the right papers and stuff soon.

tupzee is driving me insane, she's either off breaking down the house and eating my plants or she's laying all curled up right under my face... oish. i miss my sqwuify now!

well, don't really have much to write about, cept that i have been really impressed teh past week. angie has cooked almost everynight, cept tuesday but thats cause they were in münchen, she has also put j in bed every night. it's kind of weird. i feel like i'm not really doing much. i bet you she's being sneaky cause she wants me to work on sunday and clean up after the guests... maybe i'll go watch a movie with sam or on my own instead... don't know if i want to be around the entire family and all there "better halves and juniors"

anyway, i'm going to be boring now and stop typing seeing as i don't really have all that much to write plus tupzee keeps attacking my fingers and typing while one hand is being used and abused as a chew toy isn't how i want to spend my day...

°° LOVE YOU ALL °°

-- time seems to fly when it's cold --

2007-09-06T15:04:00.000+02:00

TIME:
DOING: nothing - and it's bliss
LISTENING TO: i'll be there for you
MOOD: allergic
WEATHER: 3°C and pissing with rain

Julain is at his grandmother today so even thought i rushed around getting everything finished this morning before he got home i now have a nice relaxing afternoon to myself. well kinda, have to use the time to find a replacement... kind of decided today that i don't really care if i find a replacement or not, once i leave i don't have to worry about whats going on here again. works for me.

took my dirndl to a second hand shop today, see if i can sell it - stooooopid bloody woman thought she could give me 80 € for it! i mean helloooo? what do i look like? a dumb tourist? i'll just take it home with me. maybe someone at the german school is interested.

so j got a kitten for his birthday... TUPZEE or that's what it's being called at the moment. stupid thing is giving me the worst allergies i'ev had since being at evergreen with the horses.

The twins have names: Carles and Grace... and their room is themed with beatrice potter. cute ey?!

anyway, can't believe it's thursday already -- yay!
time is flying, going to have to do my visa crap next week... oh shite.

-- the holidays are over and i'm going to canada --

2007-09-02T11:57:00.000+02:00

TIME: 12:18

DOING: looking for my replacement on great au pair

LISTENING TO: clicking of keyboard keys

MOOD: glad its a sunday

WEATHER: a little sunshine trying to come out

so... i haven't updated for a few days now, think wednesday was the last and then it also wasn't very helpful - my bad. but i did warn you that j has holidays so i wouldn't be on very much - and i was right!

let's see...

wednesday we spent at the hot pool in prien, was kak cold but atleast the water was nice and warm. the kids had fun (anita and charly went with) but the entrance fee is ridiculous! i paid 10 € for 4 hours... i mean helloooo?! but yeah, no such thing as a free swim around here unless you're willing to take a rather icy dive into the chiemsee which we were so not.

thursday we spent most of the day at charly which means i got some (well alot) of reading in, until angie phoned at 5 saying she has an off evening and wants to spend it with j, which i think he really needed seeing as that before thursday the only time he saw his parents was when he woke up early in the morning when he crawled in with them before they left for work, the entire week i think they saw him for about a total of 3 hours, not even coming home at night.

friday j and i went to herreninsel - wow! expensive but worth it. it's an island situated roughly in the middle of teh chiemsee and the main attraction is of course the half finished castle built by king ludwig the II and it's supposed to be a replica of the palace of versai. turns out ludwig was obsessed with some french king and the castle was built for him, ludwig only ended up spending 9 days and 10 nights in the castle. all the other times he was on the island he stayed in the monastary also there. he even had a table that sank into the floor to the lower levels so that he didn't actually have to see anyone when he ate... he had some serious issues this guy! he also had secret passages that led down to his changing room, bathroom and toilet. his bath was the size of a small swimming pool and took half a day to fill and warm it (he only ever used it once) and his was the only toillet in teh entire castle. the hall of mirrors id huge and flanked at each end with a room, on one end the room of peace and the other the room of war. the candles take 25 people 30 minutes to light... and thats just the candles in the hall of mirrors, ludwig insisted that all the candles throughout the castle were lit at night, and for him alone.

saturday angie and gerhard were invited to a wedding of a someone that works for them so j and i had the day to ourselves again. seeing as it was raining we decided to go to the "kino" (movies) cause i haven't taken him yet. we ended up watching shrek 3 and eating candied popcorn (they don't eat it with salt here!) then we took a taxi home (kak expensive) and plopped him in the bath where he stayed for 2 hours, even though i asked him 5 times to get out. rounded off the night with "the land before time" that dinosaur movie series thingum we all watched as kids.

today is sunday... thank the stars... means i have an off day. sort of, seeing as i always end up doing something to help out but anyway. at the moment i am on great au pair looking for my replacement seeing as that i got the job in canada and will be leaving here end november/as soon as i have someone to take my place. it's alot harder finding an au pair than it is finding a family i can tell you that much. specially seeing as angie is pretty fussy, and you have to find someone that is good with stress and long hours on crappy pay... not an easy task. but atleast angie paid for a month membership so hopefully that will help out alot.

squishy wants me in london end of september seeing as i won't make it to barcelona but let's first see if he gets accomodation sorted and then i have to ask mommy what she thinks. wouldn't mind going though, angie already said i can so let's all hold thumbs now.

was thinking last night: i am in germany, i'm really here and not stuck in south africa anymore, it hasn't always been easy but i'm really really here. and next year i'm going to be in canada... i mwan how cool is that? i always wanted to travel and now i am doing exactly that, and earning money at the same time (not much at the moment but still). and mommy - promise i'll pay you back for the flight to canada, will start as soon as my bank acc is up and i get my first pay. mwah

tae - i want photos of that extreme makeover of yours... and don't forget the tattoo! i have to see it.

--

2007-08-29T08:54:00.000+02:00

TIME: 08:56
DOING: sneaking a quick blog
LISTENING TO: the rain and angie thumping around in the kitchen
MOOD: not really sure, ask later
WEATHER: pissing cats ad dogs since yesterday already

just online quickly as j is still asleep - we were up late yesterday watching a movie i bought "arthur and the minimoys" it was sooooo cute, i really really enjoyed it. will bring it home so rudi can watch it unless you get it before i get there. but it's really worth it. promise

accidently fell asleep on the couch watching grease 2 (crap) last night, got into trouble but whats new...

today is inside weather so j and i are just going to be making the invitations for his birthday, and maybe a few bean bag thingsies and party bags. but we'll see how far we get, and then i'll phone anita and see if we can go over to charly seeing as i feel like doing a little reading and don't really want to be at home today.

tae: good luck with the "extreme makeover" this weekend - i want photos! you promised

mommy i miss you very very much, can't wait to see you

squishy - keep well

and me... well i'm still breathing so that's always a good sign

photos of herbsfest for mommy...

2007-08-26T13:11:00.001+02:00

novelties and liquid courage...

2007-08-25T12:50:00.000+02:00

TIME: 12:59
DOING: chatting to mom
LISTENING TO: rudi and hi friends screaming in teh background
MOOD: a little better
WEATHER: good enough not to be inside all day

went out last night seeing as tara didn't phone, chris had to work late so she asked if she could phone tomorrow instead.

can't tell you where we were cause i actually have no cooking clue, i just know we were on teh autobahn and then we ended up at some party thingum near some place you can swim... helpfull i know.

wasn't too bad, can get a bit much when i go out with b&m, them making out is not something you want to be around all the time. but oh well atleast i got out.

men are funny creatures when they're drunk, the truth really does come out then. like when a really good friend of mine decided to make out with me after he had a few in... thank god he didn't remember it the next day, was awkward enought that i wasn't drunk. and last night b telling m he thinks they should rediscuss their relationship so he can have time off until i'm gone... and then attempting to make out with me... sooooo wrong! but okay.
also realised that all the men i seem to make friends with and so on are always models, no idea how and why though seeing as i am definately no model...but oh well, last nights model atleast helped time fly a little... it's fun being a novelty here. lol - the only time you're ever proud to be a south african is wen you're in germany... lol. cept when you have to explain to a drunk german why you are white and you don't really understand bayrish.

off to the herbsfest with bill and basti today - get to wear my dirdnl for the first time tonight. will take lotsa photos i promise, and knowing b there will be a whole lot of my cleavage aswell seeing as i look like i have even more when i wear that damn dress.

ooooh.... my brain is numb

2007-08-24T18:02:00.000+02:00

TIME: 18:16
DOING: nothing... bliss!!!
LISTENING TO: nothing - even more bliss!
MOOD: blissful... lol
WEATHER: don't know don't care

<-- isn't this just so true?!

omf does it feel good to be able to sit here and just do nothing and have nothing to do. the stress for waiting for tara's phone call isn't cool but all in all i'm happy right now. this week has flown by and i'm pooped outa my skull but never-the-less.

one thing is confusing me back home, from half the people i hear chastin has had a boy (logan) and from the other half i hear it's a girl (caitlin)... did she have twins or something people?

i'm tired, i'm stiff and i'm going hom ein december... wish me luck with canada cause i really want to go... really really.

i know i haven'T blogged in a while and that this one isn't very up to date about what i've done the past week but honestly if i have to sit and think about whats been done i couldn't tell you. my brain is numb... never thought i'd say this but i wish the holidays were over and school would start again... (scary thoughts... i'm getting old)

MONDAY... and counting

2007-08-20T21:56:00.000+02:00

TIME: 21:55
DOING: updating
LISTENING TO: silence
MOOD: positive
WEATHER: dark and raining

hey people...
today was hectic, we were sooo busy (mostly we were in traunstein and then went shopping but still) and only got home at 7 meaning it was after 8 by the time i got the jambalaya cooked and served. j had angie put him in bed tonight, it's weird having everyone home again... kinda nice.

really in a good mood today, no idea why. think this whole "one day at a time" thing is really working, thought it's only the first day so lets not get our hopes up just yet.

got a really good e-mail back from the canadian family. looks like i can go and start sorting out my visa stuff next weekend. will need to take a trip into münchen for that though. fun fun. am still going to need that winter jacket thought seeing as it's winter for about 8 months of the year there... oooh yay! tara said she'd help improve my jumping and that way i can help train the new horses, good thing i don't mind falling ey. lol

got some photos, they look like a really nice family, but will talk to them sometime this week as tara is going to phone so we can talk a few things out.

hold thumbs for me people!!! and mommy can you please get those references for me? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE???

love you all. mwah mwah...
chat again in 2 weeks, but for now just read updates over here

-- just letting you know --

2007-08-19T18:28:00.001+02:00

just to let you know that today being my last day of peace as the bos lady gets home tonight and j still having holidays, i'm going to be pretty much dead quiet. no chatting or skype unless you're on at 21:30 cause thats going to be my only free time.

so if you don't hear from me in the next 2 or 3 weeks that is why, no i'm not dead or dying of a deadly virus. well i guess i am kinda, but still. just letting you know i am going to be pretty much unavailable until kindergarten starts again - joy to the world... now where did i put my prozac.

why are men so fucking childish?!

2007-08-19T13:19:00.000+02:00

TIME: 13:31
DOING: eating
LISTENING TO: 3 little birds -- sean paul and ziggy marley
MOOD: grateful for friends
WEATHER: a little sonnetjie is peeping

you know what i don't get? why men are so fucking childish, i can understand someone holding a grudge against you after you break up with them (well kinda seeing as i always do the dumping but still). i mean for fucks sake!!! get over it! move on... go screw someone else. and when i ask for something back that wasn't yours in the first place don't tell me to fuck off. just give it back.

i asked rhian for my simcard back seeing as i might be back in sa soon and everyone has that number, the sod is refusing. i mean that is really mature of him don't you think? well you know what? i figured it out, he likes the attention. this way he can pretend we're still together and can expect and sms from me daily yelling at him, but i've decided fuckit. hating someone just means you're still thinking of them. i'll make it easy for you rhian... keep the it, i'll buy another one when i get there, that way you won't have my number anyway. and i've decided to just wipe those few months from my memory and say they never happend. much easier and not as much effort.

squishy i have to say thanks for always being there, you really do save me on a daily basis, wouldn't have made it this far without your support. you say you want to be as strong as me but you don't realise you are my strength. mwah

tae and mom, you guys are the two most important women in my life and just like squishy you're always there for me. thank you very very much.

-- zombified --

2007-08-18T12:13:00.000+02:00

TIME: 12:35
DOING: complaining about my eina feet to whoever will listen
LISTENING TO: boten anna -- basshunter
MOOD: zombified
WEATHER: there is little sun saying hello

<--- you like the purple? can't really see it cause the purple is the bottom layer of my fringe but still. better than the black don't you think?

OMF i feel like a zombie!!!
we got back at some god forsaken hour this morning after club crawling all around rosenheim. at times i felt like such an odd one out and just really wished my wing-lady was with me but never the less, i am glad i went out. really needed it. reminds me that there is still life out there, it hasn't stopped, just the language has changed. lol
and you know what? when you wake up in the morning you still smell like stale cigarretes and too much sweat. it's gross but i think it's sort of an international thing, was like that back home and it's the same here. even if you didn't drink the night before the smell is always enought to makeyou want to vomit. but in a good way - kinda

i am making no sense, don't listen to me - zombie status has taken over already. i need to get away, and i don't mean out. i just, i actually have know i idea what i mean. i really don't. how sad is that, lol

miss everyone back home! wish it was you guys i was out with last night!!!
mwah

making missions...

2007-08-17T19:23:00.000+02:00

TIME: 19:23
DOING: waiting for lacy
LISTENING TO: make you smile -- +44
MOOD: determined
WEATHER: still pissing with rain

you know what?! i am not going to let all this shite get to me! i have 4 months left here and i am going to party and travel every chance i get. my reasoning is that if you're having fun time always seems to pass by so much quicker. so my new mission (other than learning french and reaching my goal weight by december) is to have as much fun as possible!!!

so...
step one: get dressed
step two: party the night away with sami and lacy
step three: well, let's see if i can find some one to have fun with while i'm here...

new e-mail address

2007-08-17T12:44:00.000+02:00

just a really really quick note:

i have a new e-mail address:
c.stuartdelange@gmail.com

was getting tired of that childish cupcake one and then also having to explain it to everyone all the time. so here is a different one, a little older, a little more the new me i guess. it's attached to the old e-mail addy until such time that people start using only it and not the old one. but you can send me mail via both, i get them into the same account, this one just sounds better when i give people my addy. so yeah, use it or don't use it, either way is fine. just incase you wonder why my mail is addressed from a different addy.

miss you all. mwah

friday... my two weeks of peace are soon over

2007-08-17T09:32:00.000+02:00

TIME: 10:00
DOING: chatting to tae and trying to log into skype
LISTENING TO: my world -- sr-71
MOOD: irratated but ecstatic
WEATHER: pissing with rain and kak cold, but beautiful

well my little "holiday" is coming to an end, family gets back midnight on sunday as far as i've been told... and then julian has 2 weeks holiday - joy! atleast the kindergarten starts before the schools do. (the new school year starts in september)

oooh i am damn stiff and eina today! so i didn't go around the chiemsee but donna and i went cycling and 5 hours later we were ready to crash on the sofa and never move again...

okay, i am soooo ready to just pack my bags and go home now. starting to get tired of the germans, i just want some english... is that too much to ask for? i guess so hey. oh well... only 4 months and then i move on to my next adventure.

OMF tamlyn-kay! i can't wait for you to get your but on the plane and come here! we are going to make a HUGE scene at the airport i promise. maybe i can even ralley up sammi and we'll give you a big sa welcome! party party party!!!

mommy i have no idea what is wrong with skype today, it just won't log me in, been trying for the past hour now... sorry

you know what? i love having my south african resources - rhian, glad you finally found another gf, took you long enough. happy for you, really am. thought you were going to be sour forever.

granti poo - safe flight! enjoy jhb and a moerse big hug to you.

squishy... mwah

languages, BIRTHDAYS and sexy snow clothes...

2007-08-15T22:57:00.000+02:00

TIME: 23:00

DOING: drinking water and blogging

LISTENING TO: leaving on a jet plane - percy faith

MOOD: happy to be me

WEATHER: well, it's kinda dark outside so i wouldn't really know

first off i'd like to say a HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to two people today - lindy de beer turns 21 (now you're finally legal to do all those weird things like marriage and so on without mommy and daddy's consent) and then also to my ouma grootjie... veels geluk ouma!!! my ouma (great grandma for those that don't speak boer) turns 80 today! and even though she's a little behind on the times and probably won't read this she is pretty damn good when it comes to cellphones so atleast i could sms her and wish her a wonderful day.

today i decided that i need to do something productive instead of waste away my days, something that will help in the future and hopefully make the next 4 months go by even quicker than the end of the year's months usually do... so my decision? to learn french... yip you read right... coral-leigh is going to learn "the language of love" lol, not really. but i'm hoping that it will help in getting a canadian visa. plus it's never bad to learn a new language or three. so anyone that can help... PLEASE DO!

squishy, it was really good hearing your voice yesterday. can you believe we've been here so long already? happy anniversary. can't wait for xmas in barcelona, i can't speak a bloody word of spanish but i'm sure we'll get by...

glad you're doing better, i worry about you sometimes, but then again you know me thats just how i am. tell your mom i say hi. oh and btw... going to canada does not mean i'm leaving you, okay so i might be on the otherside of the world but as always i'm just a plane ticket away... i should get one of those frequent flyer cards, might end up cheaper. lol... you better come visit me over there seeing as you don't want to come to germany, i still say you'd look absolutely smashing in lederhösen.... hahahaha

mommy... would be really awesome if you made it for xmas but if not then i guess i'll just see you in january. love you and miss you muches of much hope you know that.

tamlyn-kay - PLEASE remember to give your mom a huge hug and tell her i say she's bloody brilliant! will see if i can get prices on accomodation for you tomorrow or friday and then i'll let you know as soon as i know what's happening with canada... then you can book your ticket and i'll see you for new years... we can go celebrate sylvester and have lots and lots of german beer. will be a blast! just remember you arriving in the middle of winter so pack warmly... and no, sexy clothes aren't warm!

to everyone i chat to in the mornings... i'm going to go cycle around the chiemsee tomorrow which should take me anywhere between 6 and 8 hours, so i'll only be online late afternoon again - sorry tae. love you all and if i don't catch you online think of me and i'll tell you all about how much my arse hurts from the stupid seat on friday. and don't worry tae, i aint going to break a leg, those 8 balls are just a conspiracy against me... i hope

just another manic monday

2007-08-13T11:05:00.000+02:00

TIME: 11:05

DOING: chatting to tae and regretting the cookie dough i just ate

LISTENING TO: headfirst for halos - MCR

MOOD: much happier but irritated with the canadian embassy

WEATHER: it's confused again

you know what, the canadian embassy is really really helpfull in south africa - NOT!!! i e-mailed them and get a response saying that my e-mail will be answered in the next 30 days... then mum phones them so we can get the information sooner and the pre-programmed voice says that you are not allowed to ask questions over the phone, you must either e-mail, fax or write them a letter!!! i mean hellooooo! not even the german consulate was that unhelpful, and the germans don't like foreigners in their country!

why am i fighting with the canadian embassy? well, i got an offer to au pair there for a mommy about to have her first children, yip she's a new mommy and expecting twins. plus they own a horse breeding farm and well. you know how much i love newborns and horses... good combination. lol but now to just get the damn embassy to give the information i need!!! not as easy as it sounds. not even the internet has been very helpfull on this part.

was soooooooo good talking to mommy again. really miss her as weird and corny as that sounds but i really really do. and rudi, i miss rudi very very much even though we used to fight all the time i really miss him and our little walks to the shop that always cost me a packet of sweets or a juice to bribe him. and i miss laughing at how i could send him into spar and he would buy me and himself a pepsi and pay for it all by himself (he would tell me to wait outside).

don't think too many people miss me over there, heather seems to be doing a pretty good job of filling in my place while i'm not there. still waiting for photos of this new gert fella that you're seeing heather. i hear he's a boertjie... boy you know how to pick em don't you. lol. mwah

just to let you know, i am going to be in south africa again for about a week, maybe two again in january. just to get the visa thing sorted and then i'm off again, so we all got to go have a huge piss up or something. i need to see all those people i left behind before i move on again.

as soon as i get off that plane we are going to mision to find a simply asia cause i am sooo craving a number 504 right now, maybe some sushi and the we are going dancing - you reading this tae?! you better be because those are my demands. lol

well, i am bored so going to bid you al farewell. mwah mwah

vanishing me

2007-08-12T11:43:00.000+02:00

TIME: 11:42
DOING: drinking water
LISTENING TO: the hum of the pc
MOOD: avoidable
WEATHER: can't make up it's mind

okay so i know i have been really really bad at keeping this blog updated lately and i'm sorry. i seem to be on the computer alot but not much has happened so there hasn't actually been much to update on.

the best day in the past week was definately thursday, i spent waaay too much money and am now left with 15 € until such time as my boss comes back and pays me but yeah. i took a train into rosenheim and spent the entire day with sammi. i finally met the twins dad, kenny. we went shopping at H&M spent most of my saved loot there. also bought a pair of boots at this random little shoe shop we found. spent an hour at sam's financial advisor and then drove to prien and had dinner at hacienta which is this really cute little spanish restaraunt.

but no spending from my next paycheck on, no more books or anything. i need to buy an autumn jacket next month and then come winter i will need a goosedown jacket but other than that there can be no more spending. and here is why: i got an amazing job offer in london starting in january, and the paycheck that goes with it is absolutely amazing aswell BUT, and here is my dilema, mr mark will only pay half of all the expenses due to a bad experience he had (paid for the visa in full and he never even saw the lady. took the visa and never pitched for the job) now i know i can afford the airfare but my visa will cost me too much and i can't afford it. only thought i have is to ask mommy or granny for a loan and then pay them off when i start working there cause i know i could pay it off within the first two months actually i could pay it off in the first month already. but will have to talk to mommy about it cause it's alot of money.

starting drawing again today/tomorrow. first time since i arrived here. wish me luck.

love and miss you all soooo much. wish everyone would just move here. as much as i would like to go home and get stuck in a low pay job for the rest of my life it's just not an option, people are too proud of me for being here. so i'll just suck it up and put one of those smile things on my face, i can fool people that way right?

waiting for an edward of my own to save me from this coma

2007-08-08T09:00:00.000+02:00

TIME: 10:13
DOING: laughing at how simple i can be
LISTENING TO: carpal tunnel of love - FOB
MOOD: indifferent
WEATHER: pissing cats and dogs :)

sorry i haven't actually updated anything in almost a week now, but i've sort of been caught up in my books. mommy's parcel arrived on friday plus the family left that evening so saturday morning i spent in prien with basti, picking out glasses for him and then stopping at a little coffee shop - don't go there it's crap. and then of course i can home and burried my head in the new harry potter book mommy sent me with no intentions of coming out of my "coma" anytime soon. well that means sunday was a complete blur aswell and then it was finished. i had just finished the last book of the series, and i must admit i was dissapointed, it wasn't like jk rowlings work at all. it was really predictable in places and others it was just plain boring and repetitive. plus that whole "19 years later" epilogue was a complete waste, it was just so doof. i mean come on!!! but yeah, after 10 years of harry potter i guess the readers become slightly attached to the characters, we all feel like we personally know them. and as happy i was for ron and hermoine to get together (obvious) and harry and ginny (just as obvious) and them to all have kids and live happily ever after... well know where is the fun in that. what happened to all the other characters? and why the hell did she kill fred?! but anyway. i know that a lot of people where dissapointed but never the less. i still enjoyed it and will read the series again and again as i am sure many will.

but enough with potter - i've found a new series, well i'm hoping it will be a series anyway seeing as i've just finished the sequel to the first book and i know that there is another book coming out in october (unless i can buy it off amazon.de and get it sooner) and then the fourth instalment comes out this time next year - oish thats a long wait...

so you all know that i'm single again and i was thinking yesterday while i was reading my book that i get attatched to my characters easier than to real people, i can associate myself with them, i feel like their lives are apart of mine. i'm sure it is funny watching me read seeing as i laugh when someone says something funny and i start crying when edward or bella do something rediculous. i feel like i am bella, well kinda, i'm still waiting for a vampire to come along and sweep me off my feet. maybe thats why i enjoy reading, because i can loose myself in a fake reality, like when i write or draw, all my hopes and fears are lost. and i'm who i want to be. it's better than any stupid romance movie because when i read the words are etched into my mind and the images become more like memories, part of me.

i geuss i'm just waiting for my fairytale to come along. would i know it when it happens? would i let it find me? sometimes i think i'm so caught up in my head i don't realise what's happening around me in everyday life, i feel like i am missioning through life like a zombie, taking each day at a time. depressing thoughts i know but it's true. i just need my own edward to come and save me.

there was a line in the last book i read that caught my atention:
"now i walk with fate infront of me and my destiny beside me"
and something just went click inside of me, can't explain it, it just happened.

aaaah another day has come and gone

2007-08-02T20:48:00.000+02:00

TIME: 20:48
DOING: chatting to ant
LISTENING TO: the hum of the pc
MOOD: better
WEATHER: dark and pissing with rain

can you believe it's only ten to nine and it's dark, amazing what cloud cover can do ey. and of course it hasn't stopped raining since 3 pm... damn but windguru is accurate, got to love it.

spoke to angie tonight, sorted everything out with her atleast so now we all on the same page again. just trying to sort out this job in the UK so that i can move from one contract straight to the other. which is of course the best way to do things. also found a company that i can get my UK visa from withought having to go home again - thank goodness. but it's pricey. lets hope mr mark will pay that if i say i'll pay my own flight.

today was rather boring. benedict came with julian after kindergarten so the two of them played in the room all afternoon and i was left to twiddle my thumbs and read a book or whatever. fun fun. finished the washing and ironing today - CORAL-LEIGH HATES IRONING! but today i realised just how much i miss bridget, was trying to iron that black wrap around shirt of mine (not mommy's one the other one) and i couldn't for the life of me get it smooth, not all the wrinkles would come out, which is okay seeing as you put it on and it wrinkles from being wrapped anyway. but still, bridget always got it right somehow.

so family leaves at midnight tomorrow and julian is home all day again so that angie doesn't have to go back and forth to the kindergarten and "waste time" all is well, linda has school holidays so he can go play there tomorrow... thank the stars. tomorrow is stress as usual... this family is great, really they are... but so draining. i fall into bed at night. well onto the sofa anyway. too lazy to open it up ad turn it into a bed everynight and vice versa.

yeah, that's about it really. fun fun

just another day

2007-08-01T18:15:00.000+02:00

TIME: 18:16
DOING: drinking vanilla coke
LISTENING TO: tomorow - sr-71
MOOD: um... i'm okay i guess
WEATHER: afternoon sun is shining

julian is at a party now incase you're wondering why i am blogging at such a weird time. he's gone off with ouma and is only expected to be back at about 8 or so. we got into trouble this morning because angie found out about julian and my morning secret, where i let him watch a bit of t.v. with me when he doesn't go to kindergarten. so i was just shat out from an angle - the germans aren't straight forward. was still crap though...

but anyway, i shall survive. after edith was here for j's o.t. lesson (she says there is a chance he is left handed - told you! and that gerhard isn't helping the situation by saying left is wrong) we went for a pick nick. took the bicycles and cycled down to a nice little spot, then at 3 ouma arrived and off he went.

decided that seeing as i'm off i am going to take a walk into prien, bought airtime - was out, and hair dye! i am no longer orange, though i think i should have bought 2 boxes. now i am a light brown and tomorrow i'll put in the pink streaks... or maybe i'll wait till everyone is on holiday... that sounds like a better idea to me.

so angie and i sat and talked about all the upcoming dates to remember and so on. from now until december, and yeah i may have a week off to go to switzerland. seeing as that in december i have to start doing less with julian so that when i leave it isn't a big shock to the system. and in november he has an eye operation. angie will leave with julian on friday evening and they are gone for just over 2 weeks. then begining september there is the cabrio tour so j and i will be alone at home for about a week. also angie's cancer opp is in september aswell. might have to delay my london trip or just cancel it. specially now that there is a screw up with the accomodation. damnit, and i was looking forward to it. oh well, switzerland will also be good.

got another au pair offer to work in london. good pay - better than here. so will keep in contact with mr mark and see if things fall into place. if so then i will work there a year and then who knows, i'll go get my yachtmasters and either see the world like that for a while or go home and study. but i'll make sure i always have enough for a flight out of south africa again, just in case. cause there is no way in hell i m getting stuck in that country. i need to make a life for myself. i wouldn't say i need to settle down but you know what i mean, i think.

anyway. the tumble dryer is calling and i suppose the washing machine is finnished as well... half way throught the week... getting there. slowly but surely.

death to a tuesday

2007-07-31T22:24:00.000+02:00

TIME: 22:23
DOING: eating my supper
LISTENING TO: well trying to drown out the neighbours drunken party with alanis
MOOD: slightly peeved
WEATHER: dark

yeah, the neighbour is having a party, or the kids are anyway...
german teens + beer + big open space = loud vomiting noises

today is a day closer to the weekend! thankfully. i survive on weekends and off days. i really was blessed to find such a nice family but boy do they stress. about everything! it's one stressfull week after another. get's a little tiring. but atleast they are off again on friday for a 2 week holiday - bliss

we got a satelite dish today meaning i got a new reciever in my room again, only just got used to the old one. but this also means we can hook up the new receiver thats in the lounge to the internet and get "pay t.v." for free (illegally of course) but it gives me access to english movies, even though i'll have to sit downstairs - the sacrifices we make. lol

i invented this pasta concoction the other week by accident and the family loves it so now it's a regular on the list. never tastes the same cause i always forget what the hell i put in it the last time. oh well

mom and tae: julian is home again tomorrow - joy - and of course wednesday is washing day but i'll see if i can sneak a half hour chat in before lunch sometime, otherwise i'll be on just after 8 as usual.

i seriously need to go buy brown dye on friday, or even thursday if i get the chance. i died my hair yesterday morning and i can already see the regrowth... soooo not cool at all, this is why darker colours are easier. when you dye your hair as much and for as long as i have you'll notice it grows out a dead grey and not your natural hair colour. it's true, so take that as a warning for anyone considering it. it becomes an expensive hobby. think i am going to dye my hair one last time and then just leave it. whatever it looks like. well that's what i say now, let's see how long i can live with that decision...

not really much news - how boring am i.

nog 'n naweek het sy gat gesien...

2007-07-29T20:25:00.000+02:00

TIME: 20:50
DOING: turning oxygen into carbon dioxide
LISTENING TO: barbie girl - aqua (i know i know)
MOOD: pooped
WEATHER: um... getting dark

<-- don't we look soooooooo sexy?! lol

okay, so here i thought i was going to have just another boring weekend - YEAH RIGHT!

friday was okay, sat outside having some wine from kokava or somplace like that with dani and güni.

saturday morning i forgot i wasn't alone in the house so here's me walking downstairs in my usual before coke and shower state (in a tshirt and undies) to get apple juice. güni sticks his head out the lounge, laughs and cheerily says good morning... i mumble hey and leave - need shower. then walked to the bakery and got my coke... i love my morning routine don't you. lol

then got back and G decided to show me the pictures of the place he got the wine (over 800 photos btw) as he's in the army and thought it would be interesting... the first half an hour was okay and then i started getting bored. atleast i was saved by sammi and her sms says we have to be at melissa by 5. güni decided it is his responsibility to help the poor little south african figure out the german train system and proceeded to buying my ticket and waiting till i was seated in the right train. was my first train ride ever and i survived! arrived in rosenheim alive i might add, only for sammi to ask if i don't mind getting on the train from RO to brannenburg... this could be fun. eventually after i swore at the stupid ticket machine in about 5 different languages and continued yelling profound things at it in english some very good looking german guy decided that he should help me before i injure myself. lol. well i made it!!! oooh i'm so clever. lol. trip cost me 7,70 € but i am alive to tell the tale

so we made cheeseburgers for the kids. laughed at ourselves (we were singing old sa adverts - all gold, pick n pay etc) and having a good time, or atleast i know i did anyway. was good talking to someone that lived in the same area i did and so on, we remember the same things and it was just good. saturday also happened to be a day of some rather freaky coincidences for sammi and i, but we won't go into that now... that is another story that i might tell you oneday... might.

we watched "the sound of music" which just so by the way was filmed in a town about an hours drive from here! how weird is that, and you know those weird dresses they are always wearing? well those are durndl's lol. we both enjoyed it even more now that we realised where it all took place and so on. never in a thousand years would i have thought that i would end up living in a place where one of my favorite movies where filmed, yeah i always said it would be nice to live there with the mountains but never thought i actually would, and then actually own one of those dresses. weird. lol (btw... it's a really really long movies and most people that live here have never even heard about it)

decided that midnight was waaay too early to sleep so we proceeded to have another beer and watch barry hilton live at emperors palace - do yourselves a favour and go buy that dvd... especially if you are a south african living in england, or anywhere else for that matter. i say this because now that i have been out of sa for 3 months and have seen how the others live i really can laugh at his humour as remebering back half of what he says is memories we all have. but yeah, hard to explain what i mean withought confusing you so just go and buy the dvd (i should get advertising commision).

sam dropped me off today - no money left to take the train... woops. i am broke, have money for a coke tomorrow and thats about it. unless i go and draw money. then b, m and me went to salyburg - i know i know. to the salt mine over there. entry is NOT cheap - 14€ for a tour. but atleast it's given in english, french, italian, german, and polish lol. had a bit of a problem on the trip down into the mine, tunnel was really small and dark and my chest was protesting and the speed of the train around the curves didn't help much. b just laughed told me to hold on and close my eyes. and so i did. getting into the bigger caverns and then walking was much better, also taking photos kept me occupied so it sort of acted as a distraction the the small dark spaces. then there are teh slides... oish. and the elavator... bigger oish. the boat ride across the cave lake was okay, but the laser shows were pathetic. eventually i made it though! and we were back in daylight once again.

my family still isn't home and now i'm wondering when they are coming home and if they going to leave julian out of kindergarten tomorrow... fun fun.

too many photos taken. so here are the links for a few of the salt mine photos and also the traunstein stadtfest... in future when i say i've taken photos i'll just give you the link and you can go look it up on facebook... or you can just register there and yeah.

http://www.facebook.com/album.phpaid=9972&l=14c7f&id=531962174
http://www.facebook.com/album.phpaid=9973&l=18633&id=531962174
http://www.facebook.com/album.phpaid=9729&l=8693a&id=531962174

hope you all had a marvelous weekend and that monday brings happy thoughts.
mommy i'll see whether or not julian is home tomorrow and if not then i'll definately come and chat to you, don't have airtime at the moment, already have -2€ credit. will have to go buy some when angie makes amends with the money again. mwah mwah mwah

ant - good luck with the apartment. holding thumbs for you
tae - dump his sorry arse! if you don't do it soon i'm going to have to fly home and do it for you!!!
sam - thanks again.

friday and i'm alone

2007-07-27T15:10:00.000+02:00

TIME: 15:13
DOING: absolutely nothing, wait... i'm fibbing - drinking coke... naughty naughty
LISTENING TO: güni and dani argueing about him farting outside
MOOD: content
WEATHER: screwed up - more confused than i am

okay, so i had a list of things i wanted to mention today and now i can't remember half of it... go figure... let's see if i can remember...
bus drivers, english books, hairdye, holiday, mmm... okay thats all i remember. now let me elaborate a little so that confused expression can leave your face...

took a walk into prien this morning seeing as i said goodbye to my family at midnight and right about now they are probably already in croatia and lounging in the sun - i think. so yeah, walked to prien seeing as i finished my 2 books on wednesday already - smart, smart me - and decided i have to buy another one. have i mentioned how small the selection of english books are? it's disgusting i tell you! i have about as many books in my room at the moment as they have in stock there, not exactly but you get what i mean anyway, or atleast i think you do, whatever. so the lady laughed cause she helped me on monday aswell (this time i bought a book with 1439 pages and it's in mini print - "a breath of snow and ashes") so she said it'll probably be a while till she sees me again - not likely seeing as i have a 2 week holiday withought the family here coming up soon. anyway, i asked if that tiny section was the only one with english books and she said yeah, but... BUT, she said i must just let her know what books i am looking for and she will order them for me. i'm making friends everywhere, the bookstore lady, the bus drivers, the lady and the guy at the bakery down the road. lol

also bought another bra at NKD, i hate bra shopping but when i find one that fits me and it doesn't cost R300 (30€) then of course i am going to buy it. and got matching undies for it. lol.

but anyway, the whole point of my trip to prien was not to make friends or buy underware, i actually went in to buy hairdye (trying to get the black out slowly) and a book. the book i got but the dye i only remembered once i was walking up edelweißweg to the house... smart smart person that i am. sooo not going back just for that now - hell no! can wait till tomorrow i think. definately.

still haven't gotten my new handy. the postman didn't deliver it for 2 weeks because my name isn't on the postbox, so angie phoned and explained and they said it would be here in 2 days (yesterday), so it didn't come. this morning i decided to put my german to the test and phoned the postal company asking where the hell my parcel is (i did not spend 100€ for it not to arrive!) and this lady answered, asked a whole lot of questions about the tracking number, address and my name. aparently it was delivered to pia (our crazy neighbour - who is not home right now *sigh*) then she asked for the home number, heres me running around the house like a mad fly looking for my phone so i can give it to her (i sooo do not remember it outa my head) she also asked why my name isn't on the box - i'm the au pair... well now that starting a whole new conversation - where do i come from, how long have i been here, damn but your german is really good for that short period, etc... and here i just wanted to know where my parcel was...
*sigh* it's so hard being a south african. lol

aaaaaaaaah! dani is on her way to prien, gave her money for my dye... saves me a trip. thankfully - i'm jsut being lazy but oh well.

i miss my mommy. my mommy is the bestest in the whole wide world, and i have know idea how she is cause i think there is something screwed up with her internet. mmm... stupid telkom

ant please tell me you're online tonight, give me a missed call or something when you come on. just need to talk

tamlyn-kay dippenaar!!! why the hell are you being so quiet? you get a new phone and i still harldy hear from you... mmm... bum. chat tonight

thursdays, quiet time and me... lol

2007-07-26T12:22:00.001+02:00

TIME: 12:57

DOING: procrastinating

LISTENING TO: my paper heart - AAR

MOOD: relaxed

WEATHER: warm with a smiley sun - run and hide!!! lol

<-- do these look familiar?

don't even ask how this photo was taken because i can't give you an honest answer, mainly cause i have know idea at all. might have been when i was argueing with that stupid german idiot who wouldn't give me my pfand back. downloaded the stadtfest photos and voila... it's me. joy. lol. good starts i am white... and that is a really terrible angle

so, family leaves at midnight again, then got the weekend to myself... yay. sorry to burst basti's bubble but i am on my own mission this weekend - having a movie night with sammi on saturday. think it'll be fun. dvd's, popcorn, junkfood. not like i can actually eat anyof it but i miss having those movie days with heather, not like they happened often but they were fun when they did. oooh i have nice hands. sorry, was just looking at the photo and realised that now. i'm weird i know. but so what, i don't care. love me or hate me, either way it's still me you're thinking about. so blah! lol

thought i had a lot to do today but i seem to have done it all really really quickly... joy. think julian and i are going to bake biscuits today, so they can take it on the roadtrip with them. keeps him happy and quiet for 2 days... lol. i'm evil i know - embrace it.

so you remember those books i bought on monday? well *sigh* i finished the second one at 1 last night / this morning. how the hell i read them so quick and actually found the time i have no idea seeing as they were both just over 500 pages... will have to take a walk and go buy another one tomorrow again. i can start my own library soon. i think i'm the only person that buys any of the english books at that store... not like there are that many to choose from either though, 4 small shelves is all... oh well. they don't even have the new harry potter, in english or german!!!

on the note of harry potter can i just say i have the bestest mommy in the whole wide worl and that i wouldn't trade her even if you paid me to?! after mommy asked if i've read it and i said i couldn't buy it here she immediatley (well not quite) went and bought me a copy and shoved it in the post... should arrive ealry next week. MY MOMMY IS THE BEST AND YOU PEOPLE ARE ALL JUST JEALOUS. mwah

i don't think i can actually put into words how excited i am to go to london, i don't think it's the whole place that i'm excited about though - just another expensive city where people speak english. it's another stamp in my passport and i know who will be there waiting for me at heathrow airport - don't even think of jumping on me, i know what you're thinking and the answer is no!!! drop the thought now! lol. i'm just happy that after a year i am finally going to meet him. and i am excited, nervous, naseuos and all those other strange feelings at the same time. it's like i'm meeting my best friend after a really long holiday. it'S weird and i can'T explain it, or i could but it just wouldn't make sense to those who don't understand the way i think, which is pretty much the entire world with the exception of a select few who are special in there own little was aswell... birds of a feather and all that crap.

well i hear the tumble dryer calling my name (not really cause that would just be a little freaky) so i have to go fold some washing and pack it neatly into the cupbaord so that my family can leave me to a weekend in peace... oh crap, i have to clean my room still *rolls eyes at former mentioned task* maybe i'll procrastinate a little longer and do it tomorrow when i have no time limit. yeah, that sounds like an idea...

oh btw... keep your eyes and ears open in the near future for a movie called "twilight" it's the book i finished last night, the one with the sequels that i so desperatly need. i know i am not wrong about this, that book was so good THERE WILL BE A MOVIE you hear me universe? there WILL be a movie. lol - now only if i can convince them to turn "war of the flowers" into a movie aswell... i can already see it now... there should be some good films coming out in the next few years or so... not to mention the last few harry potter movies. (i still can't believe the last book is finished. it feels like just yesterday the carze started and i read the first book).

yeah, really have to run...

wednesday... halfway there

2007-07-25T09:21:00.000+02:00

TIME: 09:38
DOING: drinking apfelschorle
LISTENING TO: final countdown
MOOD: better, but not 100%
WEATHER: not as cold as yesterday but i don't see sun either

feeling a little better today. just had one of those "fuck off and leave me alone" days yesterday, which is of course not good cause i have to somehow hide the fact that that is actually how i feel and i have to smile. angie noticed though, but that was sorted out she just laughed at me in the end... thanks...

finished one of the books i bought on monday yesterday. as always. i like to get those girly/romantic/funny meg cabot books once in a while, they have that whole fairytale ending that we are all dreaming of. i also want to meet a french-american on a train to france when i don't even know where i am going to stay when i get there and then spill my guts to him on the train and in the end it turns out he's the owner of the castle my best friend and her boyfriend are working at for the summer... i mean helloooo!!! and then of course the story ends with him leaving his gorgeous girlfriend (she which runs away with the bride to be's brother) and then screw in his fathers wine cask room... *sigh*
but thats just a story, where would that now happen to me. i'm so... well i'm me, and i guess most people find it hard to figure me out or even understand me most of the time. shite, even i don't get me sometimes.

julian was home all day yesterday cause there was some machine that arrived at work. so you can imagine how that helped my mood. and he comes home early today as he has OT with edith again at half 12... can't they sort out times that are conveniant for me aswell?! atleast they all going away this weekend as they have to set up the caravan in croatia so dani and güni can go holiday next week. and then i only have to work next week then i have 2 weeks off again... much better! i need a break, sometime to dwell in my own thoughts, time to spend the entire day in the forrest just drawing, time to do some retail therapy with sammi at H&M (no idea what that is but she has reassured me it will help). and before can rub out my eyes we'll be in september and i'll be getting ready for my own holiday, outside of germany. i need to get away, i need to go where everyone speaks english and they dislike south africans, i need to go somewhere i have a friend to talk to (when he isn't working). i feel claustrophobic here. or i'm starting to. living in bachham doesn't exactly give you a step up in the making friends department either. just glad basti drags me out most weekends or i think i really would have gone crazy.

miss you tae, get your butt over here to germany please, come on, we can teach english next year, make a shite load of cash (a tip and leg up i got from sammi) and then who knows, then you can open your gallery and art clases.

squishy... yeah, you know the story

mommy - thank you soooo much for the call yesterday, it was short but i'm sure you'll still get an earfull when the account comes. hopefully you'll come home early enough so i can talk to you this morning. mwah

aaaaaaaaaaaah - it's a me again

2007-07-23T18:00:00.000+02:00

TIME: 18:00
DOING: chatting to ant
LISTENING TO: head over feet - alanis
MOOD: happy to have internet again
WEATHER: sort of just there... um yeah. just there

OMF i don't think you realise how fucking good it is to have internet again!!! though i was going to die - no seriously, it's like taking a drug away from an addict and making him go cold turkey. soooo not cool! but i am back! and despite the lack of communication i am still alive and even had a vaguely good time.

thursday was a blur, didn't do much but the usual and then, being deprived of net i watched t.v. actually quite a bit to watch on a thursday including weeds!!! oooh, gota love the suburban mum and her money making schemes. friday i was told that i am going to a party on saturday, not asked - told. friday was also cleaning day, can't remember what we did the morning though but that evening danny, angie and i cleaned house from top to bottom, even the post box was cleaned. saturday morning i helped angie with the camping carpet and then we took the z1 (fun fun) and went shopping. i tell you one thing though, as sexy as the z1 is, and the doors are cool aswell, it doesn't leave you very sexy when you get out. you have hair in every direction.
saturday evening i was fetched by basti and mereike then it was off to the traunstein stadtfest (10 € entry fee!) we were joined by sebi (both boys are really sebastian so you have to give em nicknames otherwise they just get confused) it was fun though, they close off a whole section of the "city" and have live bands placed all over. we stopped to listen to "die springer" which you could kind of compare to a german version of fokof really, cept i can't understand them and they played a rock version of jackson - sooo fucked up that song for me. had coffee at this cute little café and then went back to the fest again. got home at 4am

sunday... well sunday i literally slept all day, think i was awake for about 3 hours in total. caught up on all the sleep i've missed since i arrived here. lol

today i've pretty much had off the whole day, watched american pie 5 this morning then took a walk into prien, bought 2 shirts (neither were black, need colour in my wardrope i think) and two new books to read. one about some chick that fly's to england to see her bf but they end up not together or something and somehow she ends up in france and the other is about a girl with a vampire for a lover i think, not sure. cover was cool, lol. then went to see sammi, last english lesson ofthe year, next one is 17th of september again when the new school year starts. (they start in september here). we (sammi and i) are going on a shopping spree in august for when i go to london in september. will know if london is definate at the end of the month.

angie and the family are in croatia again this weekend. so have been informed by basti that i have plans. fuck knows what they are but okay then. also seeing sammi this weekend. oooh, now i remeber what happend on friday and thursday!!! - thursday was the summerfest at the kindergarten and i made a new friend. donna, she's an au pair from new york. but she leaves end of august again, just my luck. and then on friday we (julian and i) went to moritz and anna-maria (the kids donna au pairs for) cause julian is friends with moritz. and we went swimming in the chiemsee (bärbel - moritz' mum - has her own pier on the "see") see, my memory isn't that bad. lol

can't wat to go sightseeing in london, see rudolph and monica and whoever else again! lotsa photos and seeing as i'll be on "holiday" for those 10 days i might even try drawing again seeing as i haven't picked up a pencil since i got here - disgusting of me i know.

well i gta go. makin fried chicken wings, pommes (fries) and salad for dinner tonight and i still need to heat the oil. fun fun.

love you all!!! miss you mommy!

wood parties, german barmaids and letting people help you

2007-07-15T13:31:00.000+02:00

TIME: 13:40
DOING: talking to anthony, or trying
LISTENING TO: i will follow you - death cab for a cutie
MOOD: tired
WEATHER: bout 36°C outside... hence why i am inside again...

well i went to the wood fest last night, and when they say wood fest it's cause it really is in the middle of the forest! have to walk to get there. there are these huge lights that light up the sky and everything is centered around a huge circular built-for-the-occasion bar...

well the bar is where i ended up all night and no i don't mean to say that i drank the night away (unless you call red bull drinking that is)... i actually ended up as a barmaid... yips you read right. me, a barmaid in germany... where noone speaks english. was sooooooooo much fun though, once i remembered what all the drinks where and what they contained (flügel, spetz, cheki cola etc...) and the prices, also how to handel really sloshed germans, and being hit on every 5 minutes (angie said we were going to a party... so i dressed for one... cleavage and all) but otherwise it was really good. such and experience! we left the house (walked there) at sunset and only came home at sunrise. fell into bed at 6 and was woken up by stupid dogs at 8... so guess how helpfull i am today. good thing it's my day off. lol.

well i am off to watch the O.C. - in german... lol and then maybe hopefully i will fall asleep if i'm lucky.

anthony - let me help, let people help. and stop being so damn negative will you! i mean for crying out loud... i know it's hard, i know you're worried about the rent and work and giving up and going home. but take any help that comes your way! accept when a little bit of sunshine opens up for you. stop trying to look away, you're just making it harder on yourself! you say you want to show off your swimming talents, well your dad is giving you the ticket for that. and just think, you can then tick dubai off your list, who knows, maybe i'll even join you.
sit back. take a really deep breath and look at things from an outsiders perspective, it really helps. really really.
luv ya. mwah
*big hug*

woops, my bad...

2007-07-14T15:42:00.001+02:00

TIME: 15:42
DOING: blogging really quickly
LISTENING TO: house baby - dj sona
MOOD: rushed and happy
WEATHER: fucking hot!

okay so i know that i haven't put up anything this entire week past, weekend included and i know there are a couple pissed off at me about it but like i said - my bad. get over it, i've been busy. and angie went in for her operation on friday so things around here have been kak busy, and the next week or two is going to be the same cause the family is getting ready to go on holiday again... so i will let you know now already that i am going to be quiet. and for those that complain that i talk to tae and ant everyday and not them... they make a plan, maybe you should try do the same. i only have limited amount of time in my day and i'm not going to use it to try and make everyone happy. i'm the one that is supposed to be happy here, it was my decision to come here and i have to live with it and make the best of it.

so... now that i have vented all of that out... let me give you a quick update of whats happend since my last post:

saturday - basti and i did the whole sarcasm thing and i got attacked with the sprayer again.
sunday - went for a 4 hour cycle with basti, got caught in a rainstorm and cleaned a carpet for the caravan in croatia.
monday - no english as sammi has a really bad cold.
tuesday - made a card for stevens birthday (julians friend).
wednesday - i have the mornings of for a while as anita is on holiday in italy.
thursday - angie has to drink some stuff that makes her run to the loo every 5 minutes.
friday - angie has operation, julian is home all day and i bought a durndl

yips, that's right, i bought one, told you i would. and i've decided that i am most likely going to stay and finish out my contract, that way i'll be able to experience all the holidays they have here. but not 100% yet. the dress was rather expensive 300 € and i am now flat broke, until monday anyway, but won't be doing any shopping soon 1) because i need to save for my trip to london and 2) mommy sent me another parcel with two pairs of jeans in it! (thank you mommy) so that saves me another 150€ or so (jeans here, cheap ones, cost the same as levi's and so on back home...)

love you mommy! the parcel was such a surprise, a really good one, and the jeans fit perfectly. you get heather to fit them on? and the sweeties are of course even better, lol. can't find them anywhere around here. and the nestlé smarties you don't find all too often either. but have located a few shops so far. they do have the haribo version of smarties though, just doesn't taste the same though. and you know what i'm really craving right now? a pack of salt and vinegar simba chips... ooooh that would go down well now.

well i am off again, going for gellatti and then to a flee market (maybe i can find a few nice books for rudi or something) as angie loves the markets and hasn't been to one since i've arrived - not my fault though! and then tonight there is a party in the forest, not sure if i'm going yet... most likely but i will update tomorrow again.

QUOTE OF THE DAY:
if you cannot change the wind, change your sails.

how true is that qoute?
mwah to all and remember to think positive thoughts!!!

ebay, bank accounts and POST!!!

2007-07-06T09:06:00.000+02:00

TIME: 09:09
DOING: watching heroes
LISTENING TO: *points up*
MOOD: ecstatic
WEATHER: cold...

can't wait to get my new phone, mine really is is desperate need of an upgrade, two years is way too long.

so, yesterday morning i was complaining to mommy that i don't get any post, no one writes me letters even though i post them every week (stupid south african postman that can't deliver post properly) and then after i opened up my german bank account (finally) we came home and shecked the post... tada! there is a parcel from mom and rhian! was that the best surprise ever! thank you guys!
in my parcel: navel ring that says bitch, fairy pin, heroes episodes 1 - 23, letters and a card. YOU PEOPLE ROCK!

so am watching my episodes now... lol. no summerfest again today so atleast i don't have to make a tomato and onion salad. todays friday... i hate weekends ('cept sundays of course) mainly because it means the entire family including the various boyfriends and girlfriends are here. just not cool, i get no peace. but yeah.

i have to invest in a goose down jacket for winter, and it has to be long enough to cover my arse, otherwise i will catch pneumonia or something. angie suggests we look on ebay or i have a look when i go shopping in rosenheim. they aren't cheap but aparently they are necessary, everyone here wears them - and they are all used to the snow... if i can't find one in rosenheim then i will have to order one out of a catalogue which is a little more expensive cause the catalogue selling them is a wwf (panda charity) so it'll cost me 200€ but i guess it's an investment and it'll save me hospital bills. also need to buy a pair of jeans or two. i am not wasting money, i know i should be saving but if i need it then i need it.

ohne dich ist alles doof...

2007-07-05T12:28:00.000+02:00

TIME: 12:29
DOING: talking to mommy and singing very badly
LISTENING TO: i'll be there for you - the rembrandts
MOOD: pleased
WEATHER: windy, freezing and raining

<-- i love this... i want the bedding! bought a puzzle like this :P

so i did some grocery shopping for angie in prien today, then walked home in the rain, not before i first stopped for my morning butter bretz'n and then a quick duck into NKD was actually looking to buy jeans but walked out with a stuning bra (only 4.99 €) and a really nice top (3.99€) not exactly jeans but i'm happy never the less.

angie taught me how to use ebay last night... bad idea, lol. made a bidding on a sidekick (i need a new cellfone as mine is in desperate need of a replacement) only bid 5€ and won't bid over 50 if need be but it's just to see what ebay is like and how it works etc, and if i happen to get a new cellphone out of the deal - BONUS :)

spoke to angie about the whole house cleaning lady episode yesterday, she said she thought that was why i was so upset, aparently güni was making a joke - he has grandpy's sense of humour (dry) and being that i don't understand everyword or expretion in german i don't find him funny at all. but yeah, was told that my only duties are julian, his room, my room and the kitchen and that's it, if basti and denise make a mess they have to clean, i am not to listen to them or anyone else only to her and gerhard. so now that we have that out of the way... much better.

we caught a mouse in danny / basti's room last night, though i'm not really sure if it actually was a mouse, it didn't look like one, more like some sort of mole cross hybrid evil monster thingum. lol. angie was shite scared of it whatever it was... it died this morning, had to try and tell julian that it's sleeping, don't know what i am going to tell him when he gets home and it's gone... hold thumbs that angie weaves a good story before he runs to the kitchen and is dissapointed.

well that's it. i'm cold but happy and atleast have another hour to myself until julian get's home and then we'll weave a little or play lego, anita said something about taking the kids to frasdorf though it looks a little cold outside, will phone her a little later and see what's happening.

love you all. mwah

wednesdays and fishies

2007-07-04T10:37:00.000+02:00

TIME: 10:56
DOING: chatting to mum and drinking water
LISTENING TO: texas lightning - no no never
MOOD: need to pee and hungry
WEATHER: windy, raining - COLD

um... yet another wednesday. the names or the week are so boring, couldn't they think of anything more interesting, i mean i have heard the same names of the week for almost 20 years now... i think it's time for a change!

<-- i like this... mom your fish died of thirst, but in mom's case i think she'd cook them with the heater and serve them for supper... nemo for supper anyone?

nothing to do today. julian is in kindergarten and i did the washing yesterday so yeah. um... just sitting talking to mum now and trying to calm tae through her first blood donating gig, you are a special person tae, really. lol

i'm hungry... don't feel like making anything to eat though, too lazy. think there is left over milch reis i can warm up though, unless danny has found it. nothing lasts in this house when danny is here, she's worse than basti.

my holiday better come soon, two weeks on my own - boredom yet utter bliss!

i'm soooo special :)

2007-07-03T20:43:00.000+02:00

TIME: 21:13

DOING: chatting to tae and rhian

LISTENING TO: spelar dota (house music)

MOOD: amazed

WEATHER: raining and getting dark

<-- this is for you and me tae!!!

so those of you that know me rather well also know that i don't go red while i am in the sun but rather after i've been out of the sun for a little while, like once i move into the shade and so on. well angie noticed this when we were at the simsee the other day, then when we were at charly's birthday there was a skin doctor there (charly's parents are doctors, and people always seem to stick with the same people)and angie mentioned how weird it was. well mr skin doctor says it's not sunburn. what i hae is known as Polymorphous light eruption (PMLE) and it's actually an allergic reaction to the sun, not deathly (obviously) but i am one in of the 10% of the population that get it. i thought angie was joking, but she went and bought me SPF65 and some or other washing powder that enhances UV protection in your clothes. and here i thought it was just cause of my heritage... hahahaha. i'm so special. and expensive...

mommy i think i am going to have to get that retainer done here, i have a feeling my teeth won't be as perfect when i come home if i leave it, and atleast i know that if i do it here it will be done properly unlike last time. but R2500 could be a payment on my course... what you think?

decided my holiday to london isn't going to fly anymore (literally) because studies are going to cost me way too much and i need to save as much as i can this year... sorry ant baby but that's just how it is, we'll see what my finances look like once i get a job next year. and i've put off getting a new phone aswell even though i am ready to flush this doff one down the toilette already.

julian can be so cute sometimes (a real brat aswell though) like on the way to english yesterday he said that we can fly danny to south africa and then i can stay here instead :) and today while eating lunch (milch reis) i was explaining that in january, after christmas i have to go home so i can study and his response was "schade" which is like saying... "that's sooo not cool" or "what a shame". it was just sooo cute and then he gaev me a hug and made me promise i would come visit again so i said depending on how much money i make i will come for a short holiday sometime next year, maybe for a white christmas or something, drag tae along, we can do the whole, italy, holland, germany thingum etc... TAE YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE; YOU ARE COMING WITH ME! lol

met charly's mom's brother (can't remember his name) yesterday. he was rather fun, we built a colliseum and a yacht together... the kids wanted to play and ordered us to build. and then we took this man thingum (with internal body parts that can be removed, like a smaller version of bob in mr fouries bio class... removable stomach, spleen, lungs etc...) and then (even though we both have an ambulance course) we had to look at the instructions to put the damn thing back together again, lol... moral of the story: don't loose your organs around either of us until we find the diagram and instrutions...

2 july 2007 (half-way through the year)

2007-07-02T08:22:00.000+02:00

TIME: 08:26

DOING: crying

LISTENING TO: city of devils - yellowcard

MOOD: useless and miserable

WEATHER: over cast, looks like rain again

photos are from the simsee ("beach") yesterday, burnt so bad it's painful to walk but atleast i got to take my frustrations out in the water with a good hard swim, i miss being able to do that.

start my "training" today. don't really have time this morning so am going to do it after i put julian in bed or if i don't have to go with to charly's birthday. it doesn't seem like too much of a program but next sunday i have to run 15 miles which the internet converts into um... 24 km... um, can i laugh now? where exactly am i running to btw? will prien and back be 24 km? how the hell do i work that one out, and how do i survive that? damn... well, i guess i'll keep you updated on the progress then and if i don't you know i've died somewhere around the area trying to run ridiculous distances.

do you ever feel worthless, used, unloved, stupid or just plain invisible. well that's how i've felt the last two days, even this morning. yeah i had fun at sammi on saturday (you fit 7 people into a little polo so you can smoke a spliff and then tell me you aint having fun) and sure my boss gave me the weekend off. bt yesterday... yesterday the beach was okay - made me miss rhian, all those damn happy couples. but when we got home, after dinner i came onto the net to talk to rhian and tae (my day off so i don't have to clean) and a little while later günni (danny's new bf) comes to me and says you've been on the computer for this and this amount of time, the dishes still need to be done and the dustbin is full... i mean WTF!!! i am not the fucking cleaning lady, it's my day off and what does he think gives him the right to tell me that?! i flipped completely, how i controlled my temper and didn't hit him i have no idea. instead i said goodnight to rhian (even though i haven't spoken to him in a week) and went to bed, wrote a letter and went to sleep. fuck them all. i think i am going to talk to angie today, not sure what it will help but maybe sort out whether or not i'm just a fucking cleaning lady to them. if so i want to go home NOW! they can hire someone from here in germany for all i care, not like i'm being paid enough anyway, the bare minumum and i work to much with not enough off days. but yeah. i just feel so stupid. the next 6 months better vanish really really quickly i tell you. atleast today we are mid-way throught the year.

i love you all, and i can't wait to be home in january, if not sooner. miss you guys sooo much. rhian, tae, love you both. between you and mum - you're the only thing keeping me going here these days. the last 2 months have been hard and i don't think i'd have made it this far without all your support. love you guys. mwah

they say home is where your heart is and today i realised my heart is still in south africa with rhian and mommy and tae... I JUST WANT TO COME HOME

IT'S FINALLY FRIDAY!!!

2007-06-29T10:14:00.000+02:00

TIME: 10:31
DOING: thinking of ways to break my leg
LISTENING TO: shut up! - simple plan
MOOD: depressed
WEATHER: warmer

so i have absolutely no bloody clue why i am so happy it's friday seeing as i have to look after both charly and julian today... fun fun, think i am going to take them to frasdorf and let them play there for 3 hours, then i get chance to read my book

i almost forgot... i finally finished reading "war of the flowers" after just over a year of trying to read it, with a whole lot of books inbetween. i think it was a good thing it was the only english book to read otherwise i most probably still wouldn't have read the end. no idea why though cause it's bloody brilliant! not sure why they haven't made a movie out of it yet. it should be every directors dream, all those weird creatures and the twists in teh story. excelent! if you're looking for a book - war of the flowers, written by tad williams

so on wednesday, seeing as i finished wotf, i went and bought 3 books at the bookshop. this i have decided, will be a monthly thing, so goodbye glamour and cosmo - which are the same price as a book here anyway. so i ended up finding english books!!! couldn't believe it! bought "THUD!" by terry pratchett and "all american girl" by meg cabot (a teenie book but cute) read the first one finished yesterday and then started on THUD!. i said i bought 3... the last one is for rudi, a german "first read" book, for when he starts school next year. mum bought us english ones that she now reads to rudi and will read to my child aswell. decided its a good investment (one book a month for 7 €) because i will most likely end up reading the german ones to my child aswell, the more languages you know the better.

finally took the library books back yesterday, took the boys for ice cream afterwards and made cabbage with cream soup afterward. fun fun

you should see my legs tae! if you thought they were gorgeous before they are even better now! all this bloody gocart to siggenham and back is making them rock hard even when i sit and do nothing. lol... watch me take over stones when i come home again. you and r better find us a place to stay before i land ey. even if i having to wire te first months rent (my half) through before i get there. mwah

still waiting on info about the diving courses. so far i have enough saved for my medic diving course but i need to know what the diving courses will cost me though. but this all means i am not going to london though... now how am i going to explain that one to anthony. well here goes, wish me luck...

thursday...

2007-06-28T09:48:00.000+02:00

TIME: 09:54
DOING: chatting to tae (morning ritual)
LISTENING TO: tomorrow - sr-71
MOOD: tired
WEATHER: kak cold again

after yesterday's hectic schedule i had a crappy nights sleep last night and was woken up this morning by what sounded like gun shots. then only to realise i have no clue where my phone is and went on to look for it, so yeah, here's me at 6 in the morning pretty much trashing my room trying to find the damn thing. was under my blanket the whole time... go figure

mommy where you today? got so used to talking to you in the mornings i feel like something is missing! not cool.

it is thursday! thank the stars, means it's almost weekend again. and hopefully i don't have to wake up early tomorrow as angie has to take julian to kindergarten (anita has off tomorrow cause her brother's 26th birthday is this weekend). but we are taking julian and charly to the library this afternoon - our books are sooooo late! will have to pay a fine... joy, not my fault though, i told angie but anyway.

atleast i have a little time to breath today. thankfully. don't want to know just how knackered i am going to be when julian has holidays. omg i think i am going to die! atleast i won't have to wake up early in the mornings though, one benefit but i have a feeling i am going to go home rather fitter than i was coming here i can tell you that. speaking of being fit. i found this training program on the site where you can join the brittish army (was considering it) and on monday i start a 2 week training programme (getting fit - very light) then if i make it i'll do the 4 month programme aswell. there is fit... and then there is army fit.

cold, snowy wednesday

2007-06-27T09:32:00.000+02:00

TIME: 09:56
DOING: chatting to tae
LISTENING TO: 5fm on the net
MOOD: freezing
WEATHER: 12°C with snow on the mountains

<-- this is sammi! lol, on saturday we will be celebrating her 30th and aparently she is having a bit of a mid-life crisis about it. lol, will post up photos of the celebration on sunday or whenever.

my mouth is giving me so much shite. i am so naar it aint funny, so here is me at 7 in the morning trying to eat breakfast with julian (if i don't he won't) and trying not to barf all over the table at the same time. not easy.

today is going to be a rather busy day, one of those fall into bed at the end kinda days. start my day at 6... well half 6 cause i hate getting up, then it's loafing it to the shower... cold cold cold... julian takes 10 minutes to wake up sometimes longer so at 10 to 7 i start with the mission of getting him out of bed and dressed. at quarter past we are downstairs and eating breakfast (trying) and i pack his sarmie and apple. then brush teeth and wait around outside until anita arrives. off to kindergarten. usually i would have off until 2 but of course today is different - as this whole bloody week has been - so i have to go with anita to prien at about 11 (she has an errand to run) then fetch julian and charly at 12. come home, make him lunch, 13:00 edith comes for an hour again (the o.t. lady) then it's english lessons for an hour or two, maybe we'll colour in a little today. trying to teach julian the time... oish. then at 3 or 4 we'll mission it to charly unless julian decides to go to lisa-mari again, but i don't have to cook tonight though. angie said she will, but i'll most likely help.

we were supposed to go to frasdorf with the bus today, anita says when we go to let her know then she'll drive, that way charly can go with julian (there is a nice park there or something) but seeing as there is snow on the mountains and the highest temp today is 12°C i don't think we will be going anywhere far at all, or near water! i can't wait till the chiemsee and things freeze over here, think i'm going to buy myself ice skates, will be fun to mission off to the lake to go skating. but we'll see. it's almost as if winter has come early here this year, weird, and i hear this is a rather large amount of snow in south africa today. told you when i leave it would snow... i was right! blah!!!

well, i think i am going to grab an apfel shorle, see if mum is at the computer yet and sms ant, hope he's okay. poor sod, you really are having stress issues. will be over soon to help. mwah

HEY, IT'S OKAY...

2007-06-26T17:00:00.000+02:00

... to be better paid and more educated than he is

... to get angry with him for somwthing he did to you in a dream

... to try the free sample but not buy anything

... to airbrush your own photo. what good is technology for the masses if you can't delete your own double chin?

... not to dry-clean compulsively. unless you mud-wrestled in it, you can probably squeeze out a second wearing

... if your only brush with nature this summer has been the mint sprig in your mojito

... to give up on sucking in your stomach

... to have a crush on a gay guy. it's not like lusting after owen wilson is any more realistic

... if you still can't do some things without a call (or three) to mum

monday again. sigh

2007-06-25T10:50:00.000+02:00

TIME: 11:07
DOING: chatting to tae and wondering what the kids are getting up to
LISTENING TO: red flag - billy talent
MOOD: pooped and eina but pleased
WEATHER: supposed to be 29°C... pfft! these ppl hvnt felt heat yet!!!

<-- i love this, it's so true, lol.

i need to get something off my chest, and no it aint my boobs... SCREW YOU PEOPLE AND YOUR STATIONARY BIKES SAFELY IN THE GYM!!! bloody hell, wait until you've been on a 2 hour gocart ride going uphills, but mind you... it has a seat atachment that is heavy, the gocart itself already weighing like a 100kg and then my wieght plus that of julians in the extra seat... once you have survived that... and missioning off with all of that into the forsest and getting lost. then you can talk to me. bloody hell!!! that was hectic, but i tell you it is doing wonders for my arse and calves, though not my wallet as i will soon haev to buy new jeans.

reason for the gocart ride: i got up early and got julian ready for kindergarten and such only to phone anita and get informed that there is no kindergarten today as the teachers all have some meeting at the school... joy. so now i have him and lisa-mari (tante heidi is in bad endorf) playing in his room. i have nothing to do so i thought i'd blog and chat. yay. oh shite... need to take the library books back... mmm... maybe take julian for ice cream tomorrow, oh wait, it's raining again tomorrow. ag damnit!!!

anthony i aint getting half of your sms's sweetie, i seem to get the ones that don't matter but not the others. keep sending it till it charges you for the sms, that seems to work. mwah

rossi, thanks for starting to email daily, bout bloody time!

mommy, nice talking to you in the mornings. please don't forget to phone megan and ask shaun if i can come in for my touch up when i com eback again, going to get another one done so might aswell have them all redone at the same time.

heather, we are getting our feather done when i come home...

tamlyn-kay... i want a video when you do yours!!!

seefest... yip, another fest

2007-06-24T21:49:00.000+02:00

TIME: 22:11
DOING: blogging, talking to rhian and watching american pie
LISTENING TO: american pie...
MOOD: satisfied and stuffed
WEATHER: um... pretty much dark ey

so today was my off day! and yet i completely forgot to organise my photos into scrapbook again, go figure...

and yet again there was another fest... actually getting used to these fests and they aren't half bad as much as i dread going there i think i actually enjoy them. so today was "seefest" no idea what was being celebrated today, but i have come to realise there is a fest everyweekend somewhere in one of the surrounding villages.

watched the dances (lotsa photos on my myspace photo thingum), ate half a chicken, drank one of those bloody huge jugs again of raddler (they dont know how to make small glasses in bavaria, lol) then had stawberry and nut cake with coffee (can you believe i drank coffee!) then on the way home we each and a thingum of caramalised almonds, atleast thats what i think it is, the direct translation is burnt almonds though i don't think they were burnt, they didn't taste burnt. anyway. sadly i had no bretz'n today... can you believe it, i go to a german fest and don't buy a bretz'n... what a shame what a shame. lol

think i am going to have to go and buy some blank cd's so i can put my albums onto cd. going to have a rather large amount by the time i go home, if i consider how many photos i've taken the the 6 weeks i've been here, can you believe it's been that long already. i can't felt like just yesterday i was trying to sleep my way through an 11 hour flight and arriving in a foreign country and attempting to speak a foreign language (which i must say has improved a hell of a lot! the language i mean)

helped danny with english homework today. she writes her english exam tomorrow, let's all hold thumbs that all my hard work pays off and she passes with high marks. oooh, i hope so.

tomorrow i take julian to kindergarten, wake him up, dress him, feed him, make his sandwich (i really do feel like a housewife now) and then we get a lift with anita and charly to the kindergarten. fun fun. angie says that when i go home i can get married and have kids cause i'll be so used to it and good at it. i really am getting attatched to my family here, they are really good to me, and even though i have my "i want to go home" days i am blessed to have found such a lovely family. they really do make me feel like part of their little group, even basti and denise try. which is cool. vielen dank fur alles!!!

love you all and have a good evening further... i have to be awake at 6... lets hope a cold shower gets me going, haven't had to wake up this early since my last matric exam. i lie, mum used to drag me outa bed to go walk on the beach. lol, love you mommy. mwah

woops

2007-06-23T14:02:00.001+02:00

TIME: 14:19

DOING: trying to eat a pancake

LISTENING TO: the hum of the computer

MOOD: slightly dizzy...

WEATHER: crappy

screw waking up with a hangover, i woke up still intoxicated! fuck last night was needed, but this morning i am suffering the consequences!

i know i haven't posted much this week, but this week has been rather boring. thursday julian was at his oma all day so i sat chatting to mum and tae and yesterday, well yesterday i survived my very first hailstorm here... barely! and i also survived my first german party... barely :)

one thing about germany, i have no worries about how i look here, that german supermodel seems to be the only skinny person. lol

i had to laugh, there was a live band last night (generation x), they were pretty good, sang a whole lot of oldies and a lot of new popular songs, all my music, and also sang a few in german. but the funny thing is that alot of the people sing with and yet i am sure i was the only one that understood any of the songs. i translated pink's "u and ur hand" for danny and she burst out laughing. the poeple sing and yet they have no idea what they are singing.

also, after about the first beer they all think they can speak english perfectly, i wouldn't say that about my german, its shite whether i drink or not but lol, had such a laugh last night. actually rather enjoyed it even though i wasn't looking forward to it and had all intentions of leaving within the first half an hour, but yeah.

you see the beer danny is holding? well we each had 2 or 3 and then we had 2 glasses of whatever angie served us and also 2 baileys. yeah... so you can just imagine me this morning, after only getting to bed just after 4 i had to be awake at 8, mission off to kaltenbach with the gocart again to fetch julian at his oma (slept there last night) and then i had to mission back home again... all in my not so sober state.

feeling okay now but movements and reactions are rather slow. but i have cleaned the bathroom and kitchen and even made pancakes for the kids. i am alive... lol

aaah, mommy. your postcard arrived today! i got post, i got post... lol. thank you very much. i miss you aswell!!! i miss you all. i miss my party buddies and my mommy and even heather and rudi.

+ kisses +

grr...

2007-06-20T20:19:00.000+02:00

TIME: 20:37

DOING: chatting :)

LISTENING TO: thunder and the rain falling hard

MOOD: ecstatic... duh!

WEATHER: my favorite

sooo, i have been way to busy (cough cough lazy cough) to make up a scrap page the last few days. but will most likely try and catch up tomorrow morning again.

<-- is what the clouds looked like about half an hour ago, it's now pouring with rain and the thunder doesn't seem to have more than a few seconds break between them and yet its as hot as a sauna outside which is aparently not good cause it usually mean hail (the size of golf balls here) but so far so good, just thats its kak dark outside and yet it doesnt usually get dark far another 2 hours. woops, theres the lightning now...

julian is coming along rather nicely with the body parts, tomorrow we are going to paint hands and make prints, most likely do the feet aswell. he loves running to mommy, today he went up to her and said "do you know where your elbow is?" was too cute, wish i could type out how he pronounces the words.

mum, the lady that came today is definately an occupational therapist, they make housecalls here. and as far as i know she'll be coming once a week for 60 minute sessions. she also says that julian needs a task, like watering a certain plant everyday or something like that, it has to be done daily and by himself though.

i should become an english teacher! helping danny study for her english exam on tuesday. it's only grade 10 work but still, its all that active and passive crap that they drill into our heads. rather hard explaining it to a german though but somehow i managed and she now understands it... maybe i should teach english. could be fun. um... yeah, i think i've lost my marbles.

so mum spoke to angie today, which angie thought was just sooooo cool, lol. and heather saw both angie and julian. the latter wasn't as impressed though. weird but anyhoo.

um, yeah... i think that was my day.

don't you just love the smell of the rain? i do. and the thunder is kak loud here... soooo devine i tell you. it's like someone opened a shower and let barrels going rolling down the hill

bad day

2007-06-19T22:09:00.001+02:00

TIME: 22:25

DOING: trying to get hold of rhian

LISTENING TO: silence

MOOD: let's not go there

WEATHER: um... it's kinda dark already but nice?

so i know i didn't post yesterday and i am posting reather late today but yeah, it's my blog so i am allowed to! blah

really miss mommy today. woke up this morning and just decided screw everyone, i want to go home! thankfully mommy was around so she got me a little stable again and then spoke to ant who always seems to help me back onto my feet again. it's different talking to mum and ant than it is to tae and rhian, mainly cause the first two keep on telling me i can do it and i should just stick with it but the latter are very happy when i say i want to come home earlier. it's nice to know i'm so loved at home but it's also nice to know i have people supporting me to stay. if that makes any sense at all?!

so i am going to london sometime between 11 july and 31 september. lol, i'm going to have about a 2 to 4 week holiday somewhere in that time (dates are still to be sorted) as that is when the family are off to croatia again. they have a caravan at porec (croatia) and they book out certain periods of time (like renting a patch of grass) and that is the time they have. i will definately have a 2 weeks in succession holiday and then either another 2 weeks or just a week, with a week of working inbetween. kinda weirdly planned i know. but yeah, so discussed it with ant today and he says that instead of getting another visa i should just fly to london and visit him instead(can get cheap tickets at lastminute.com) so i will be there, will finally get to see rudolph again!

it's nice having supportive friends.

started teaching julian the body in english today... we did the head: face; hair; eyes; nose; mouth; tongue; ears. think thats enough for one day, of course then he runs and tells mommy all about it so angie is learning aswell. think we sort of made peace today. i also told her that they have been speaking nothing but german to me since i got here so from now on we shall be speaking only english. she has to learn and she has really been trying today. which is good.

weekend update...

2007-06-17T14:03:00.000+02:00

TIME: 14:20

DOING: talking to rhian

LISTENING TO: rhians voice and AFI

MOOD: sleepy

WEATHER: warm sun, cold shade

so i don't really feel like making up a scrapblog right now and i actually don't feel like sitting at the computer to update either as my bed and book are calling loudly...

yesterday tehre was no tourist trip into town as the weather was rather unwilling to co-operate with but i did manage to fit an hours walk through the forest somehow. was devine. unfortunately you just can't capture it with the camera, i tried but it ommits the smells, the sounds of the rustling leaves and the sound of the hundreds of birds living and dancing freely in and out. the feeling of being untouchable and just being free. the calm, the fact that walking around there makes you believe in faeries and elves all over again, and the quiet litle creatures scurrying around give the illusion of dryads and gnomes following your every move. you feel bad just walking, disturbing the peace with every step you take.

decided that on every soltice i am going to take a picture of the exact same place. winter, autumn, summer and spring. the first picture will be taken next week. no real reason, just to depict the seasons and my stay here i guess, will be able to so why not.

came home and fell alseep on the chair outside, only to be woken up by a rather cold shower. the clouds over head decided to open up and wake me up. was damn cold! and rather wet... you don't really get a light drizzle as warning, just the temperature changes so when it opens up it really pours.

family came back in the early hours of the morning. and at breakfast it was announced that they go back in 3 weeks again... yeah. so i am still deciding whether i want a visa to go with or not. mmm... will phone the embassy tomorrow and see if it is possible. though as boring as it was i rather enjoyed teh week alone. was a nice break a way were i could gather my thoughts. and talk to mum of course :)

well... love you all. i'm getting bored and don't feel like typing anymore. will update pictures tomorrow again. mwah

my new life song...

2007-06-15T14:48:00.000+02:00

TIME: 15:05

DOING: just baked sugar cookies

LISTENING TO: all the small things - blink 182

MOOD: rather alive

WEATHER: over cast yet sunny...

so i decided to take a walk to prien (and i remembered to pack my camera) this morning - after i vaccuumed the entire middle floor of the house (i woke up just after 5 sometime.) took a nice long shower and decided to bake, until i realised angie had taken the floer with her... hence the walk to do shopping.

it's a nice casual walk, like walking to bayside but minus all those idiotic men hooting at you and all the houses and the robots and emence amount of traffic. okay so it's nothing like walking to bayside, but still. you catch my drift.

so it's a walk through bachham into siggenham, then from siggenham to st. salvador (which is where the church is) and then next stop prien, though if you deviate from the path between st. salvador and prien you can find the hoffbrauhaus. yeah shivi, i found it!

got to prien, there is shopping center thingum right there as you get to the entrance of town (from my side of course) and wasn't in the mood to walk to the otherside of town (i just spending money i shouldn't at the little bakerei) anywho... you have to pay 1€ to use the shopping cart, you get your money back when you return it but still. very clever, and the carts are all clean and taken care of here, unlike in sa.

just finished baking my batch of sugar cookies, had the computer on so i could listen to music (kitchen hifi is in my room). but i have found my new life song, well for this time in my life anyway, it's an old alanis morissette song, i'm sure you all know it:

I'm broke but I'm happy

I'm poor but I'm kind

I'm short but I'm healthy,

yeah I'm high but I'm grounded

I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed

I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby

What it all comes down to

Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine

I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is giving a high five

I feel drunk but I'm sober

I'm young and I'm underpaid

I'm tired but I'm working, yeah

I care but I'm worthless

I'm here but I'm really gone

I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to

Is that everything's gonna be quite alright

I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is flicking a cigarette

What it all comes down to

Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet

I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is giving the peace sign

I'm free but I'm focused

I'm green but I'm wise

I'm shy but I'm friendly baby

I'm sad but I'm laughing

I'm brave but I'm chicken shit

I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to

Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet

I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is playing the piano

What it all comes down to my friends

Is that everything's just fine fine fine

I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is hailing a taxicab...

aut viam inveniam aut faciam

2007-06-13T11:34:00.000+02:00

TIME: 11:37

DOING: drinking pepsi

LISTENING TO: your gaurdian angel - red jumpsuit apparatus

MOOD: *yawn* so bored

WEATHER: it looks confused

listening to the songs heather went and put on her profile, mainly cause i saw she updated her blog so decided to go read it - very proud of you sis!

so anyway. i'm sitting here bored out of my mind because in my boredom yesterday i went and did all of yesterday and today's work, and thanks to all the rain i don't have work tomorrow either, but will just do the weekends things tomorrow.

the postman is so cool, i over slept this morning so he just left basti's parcel on top of the postbox, very nice of him - thanks mr postman. maybe it's cause he's white. everyone here is white, even the dustbin guys and the maid... which is a little embarrasing as it's soooo not the norm in sa. i have only seen one black german couple so far.and i've been here a month. you just don't see black people here that often. but the germans don't seem to mind them all that much, as the "muggers" if there ever are any are white. strange i know. and they call the marmite monsters "niggers" here and no one cares. not even the monsters. i warned them NOT to say that when they in sa, specially basti when he goes to ct... unless he wants the crap beat out of him, shot or stabbed.

after a taste off life outside of sa i don't think i will be going back anytime soon, well i will have to to get my new visa i think, maybe not. but i want to try and apply for an ancestral passport so that i no longer have connections with south africa. i will have to look up what i need for either a dutch or irish passport, but i no longer want to be a south african. the views here aren't bad about us, but like i said... i've tasted life outside sa and like a chocolate i want the rest of it, i am so not going to be satisfied with a mere taste... so going to study my brain numb when dad's parcel gets here, sailing is definately a way to see the world. and i'm up for it. nervous but up for it.

mum, i am loving being able to sit and talk to you while we are working. it's like sitting at the other computer talking to you again, except you can't ask me to go make you tea and i can't come with to fetch rudi or just give you a hug. love you mum, will see you when i renew my visa and after that, well you are just going to have to come and visit me now aren't you :) mwah

ant, i am going to keep you to that deal... will not let you forget. you know that don't you? lol

was lekker om weer met jou gestrand te praat liefie, sal die nawek met jou weer praat, sal jou laat weet waneer ek by die huis is.

tuesday...

2007-06-12T13:30:00.000+02:00

TIME: 13:32
DOING: eating cheese ciabatta
LISTENING TO: heather's voice over skype
MOOD: bouncy
WEATHER: raining

so not only is the wearther absolutely beautiful today, and i can hear the thunder rolling in the back ground (danced in the rain at 4am... was amazing) but my parcel arrived this morning! it's a good thing the electricity was off this morning, delayed the post man and gave me time to wake up. he rang the door bell and handed me the daily post... then said he thinks he has a parcel for me but he's not sure... am i stuart- de lange (but say it as if is french) i wanted to laugh soooo hard! my surname sounds so sophisticated here! i love it!!!

as you can see i promptly wipped out the camera to document my lovely parcel - THANK YOU TO MOMMY WHO PAID, and to everyone that made a contribution! i love it... don't know you you got it right to fit all that into such a little box mommy. i think that when you become a mom you get a little magic handed to you, like mary poppins and her bag.

so ant is moving to bavaria, will be nice having a friend around here. what was the deal you wanted to make? i'm curious now and you being quiet doesn't help me either :)

vreeslik baie dankie vir die movies liefie, en alles. miss you very much and much. mwah

tamlyn... sort out your internet and make it english!

I GOT A WEBCAM!!!

2007-06-11T22:20:00.000+02:00

TIME: 22:22
DOING: typing this blog
LISTENING TO: anthem - superchick
MOOD: bubbling over with happiness
WEATHER: um... it's dark already

sooooooooo i spoke to mommy, and heather and rudi and ernst and even colleen today... yips, i finally bought a webcam. specially went into town for it. ended up missing the bus back home because i walked through prien to the next village and then back to the otherside of prien again, no one has webcams. eventually i found a shop that had one and only one, wasn't going to be fussy so took out 29 € and paid the lady without thinking twice about it. only to realise it's for a laptop, but don't care. it works!!!
was bloody nice talking to you guys again. heather you are looking a bit skinny there. as you saw i still look like me...
* sigh *
but with all this walking i am getting a really nice butt... all uphill home!!!

decided i am going to sms ant's mum and see if he has a new number as i still haven't been able to get hold of him. he does have a new number. so phoned him tonight, was sooooo good to hear from him again. missing you ant! will definately see what i can do for you here, sammi and i will work over time. will keep you updated. don't think i should phone for a while now though... will just hide the phone, but we all have skype so bah! no phone needed anymore, cept for ant, rhian and tae. you people better get internet or something soon!

no scrap blog today cause i forgot my cam at home... smart me.

well thats about it. electricity is off from 8 am to 9 am tomorrow morning but i'll be on after that.
love you all and miss you even more!

there mum... posted a blog just for you :) mwah

sunday 10th

2007-06-10T15:06:00.000+02:00

TIME: 15:15

DOING: dying of boredom, and talking to granti poo

LISTENING TO: das alles ist

MOOD: bored

WEATHER: overcast with sudden bursts of rain

sitting here bored out of my skull, mmm, think i'm going to die of boredom this week. was watching CNN this morning and am on my my to watch the F1 later. can watch it live at 4 i think. oooh i added watching a live F1 race to my list. i could go this year already but i need to save *sigh*.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY liefie. mwah, wish you were here today.

*yawn* my butt muscles are eina, i think it's all this stair climbing and cycling, or when i was working in the garden yesterday, never knew you had to twist yourself in such odd positions, never knew i could. but when you have a spider coming at you from one side and you're pinned down and being atacked with bloody cold water you find ways to escape...

think i'm going to go read or something. changed my music player as you've most probably heard by now. i forgot to set it to random, too lazy now so will do it when i remember again. got a few new songs on it, most of the old ones are still there though. i love the very first song... das alles ist deutchland. kak funny... only germans. and then later on in the player the song called mensch, i found it and loaded it. still trying to find stück von himmel for you guys.

hope all is well in marmite monster land and that you're having good weather. mwah

i know i know

2007-06-09T22:06:00.000+02:00

i miss you sis. could do with your company today and your silly theories. mwah

so i know i've posted alot today but it's just one of those days i guess. not really much news as such just little things that i discover and feel like sharing.

so decided i am going to attempt to watch german t.v. so i put the channel on and - tada! F1 and kimi is in poll (not sure if he stayed there) just had to phone dad and say hi. was nice talking to you btw dad. so aparently my parcel is on its way meaning i will have to start studying soon - gives me something to do in my off time and keeps me out of trouble.

then watched some abba concert for a bit (songs were translated into german of course) then spongebob, even in german he's stupid. then it was a whoopi goldberg movie, something about her daughter finding out her real father is white. decided to watch mtv cause basti says it's english at night, well it isn't tonight there is a german benefit concert shown live. i saw the last 2 songs. the first i often hear on the radio here, kinda like the new linkin park and nickleback songs, then the next was stunning it's called "mensch" and it's by the same guy (herbert grünemeyer) but what struck me was when bono walked on stage, even herbert looked shocked and he started singing with - in german! heavy english accent and sometimes he got the words wrong, but no one cared. near the end he translated the chorus into english and had the audience "sing it to the world - let them all know" was stunning. and then it ended.

i found a channel where they only speak english - CNN so atleast i know i will be up to date with the important news. they actually haev some nice programs showing on CNN this time of day. tonights was called "out of gas" and it's about, well the title says it all. there was an add that came on that really got my attention. you see 2 polar bears and then a black screen with white writting that says in 2050 it'll be to late for them, then you see penguins and a voice says "and them" then a river and then baron land, the voice says "and the rivers" and so it goes on about the trees and the world and how it'll be too late by 2050 and we won't be able to inhabbit earth, that tomorrow is already to late. then something about start today. not sure what they were on about cause i got lost in thought, i always say that i want a daughter, a healthy and happy little girl but when you think about it i'll be 64 in 2050 (if i got my maths right) and we all know that we are running the earth into itself and we are exhausting our natural resources. i mean how many animals, plants and insects have gone extinct because of us already. we blame it on over population and yet in certain countries races are also going extinct. i blame it on greed, human hunger for power and posession. and i stop and think to myself, do i really want to bring a child into this world? into a world that might not live past the next 10 years? into a world were poverty, rape and racism, war, hunger and death are just everyday news and people sigh and turn the page or change the station? i say brin gon the floods and the hurricanes. natural population control is long overdue. because only in times of a natural disasters do the people of the world stand together as one. this is not a place for children, our elders will tell you that if you'll only listen.

miss you mommy

2007-06-09T18:09:00.000+02:00

just wanted to say i miss you. was working in the garden and realised i never did it with you.

thank you for all the support and love, couldn't have done this without you.

mwah!
http://www.scrapblog.com/viewer/viewer.aspx?sbId=30416

(the link for our family foto scrapbook - was bored and had sometime)

saturday, june 9th

2007-06-09T14:12:00.000+02:00

TIME: 14:14

DOING: drinking pepsi and scrapping

LISTENING TO: truly madly deeply

MOOD: tired

WEATHER: sunshine

went to bed at 4 this morning and woke up at 6. so wathed "findet nemo" yeah yeah, i know. but it was funny hearing dory and marlin and the rest of the gang speaking german. and because i know all the words it was really weird when there are times that they soooo don't say the right things in german. that whole "es-ca-pe" seen was funny. dory reads spells it out in english says "escape" and then says, "hey, that's funny it's the english word for escape" lol... canned myself. oh, and there is no german word for squishy. she just says squishy. kak funny

so made flapjacks for breakfast cause i was bored. then went to go work in the garden... damn what a workout! but as you can see in the picture my pretty flowers and plants are all in the ground now. yay.

stuck my selphone in my bikini top so i could listen to my mp3's, music is so loud i didn't hear basti sneaking up behind me. only to be rewarded for my stupidity with a really cold shower... oish!

try this site mommy: http://www.scrapblog.com/viewer/viewer.aspx?sbId=29945 maybe you'll be able to see it with that. otherwise i'll just keep posting them like this as pictures. can also view it at flickr, they somehow link up. but yeah.

busy making a scrapbook with our family photos for you mum. this is sooo much fun!

my scrapbook... so far

2007-06-09T02:06:00.000+02:00

will start posting these as my pictures, sort of a collection of what i did that day or whatever. this is fun. lotsa different styles and ideas but i think this one works best for me. keep you all update in a pretty and not so messy fasion. instead of have a whole lot of pictures posted there is just the one containing em all... this is fun!

scrapblogger

2007-06-09T01:41:00.000+02:00

found the most stunning site while i was loafing around on the net sometime between last night and this morning (can't sleep, on a bit of a sugar rush)...
it's called scrapblogger, like blogger but an online scrapbook. been getting all my photos organised, well not all but it's an online scrapbook. soooo cool. it looks like your looking at my desk and book and then the photos and scribbles. the whole thing is just awesome. i'm loving it. hoping i can save each page and then scrap my photos like that. and the best part... it's free! sneaky sneaky. been at it for a few hours now. really really alot of fun people. going to scrap my entire year here like this. yay, this is fun... lol, how sad am i.
if you feel like browsing through what i've done so far:
http://www.scrapblog.com/evilpinkcupcake/0164DAB5-3F3A
only 7 pages so far, but a book isn't written in a day so be patient with me, my little camera is really going to be working overtime now...

friday, day 26...

2007-06-08T09:25:00.000+02:00

<-- i want this on a t-shirt!!!

TIME: 09: 41

DOING: nothing

LISTENING TO: kryptonite - 3 doors down

MOOD: umm...

WEATHER: son is out and so is the wind

fell asleep in the lounge last night while watching eragon, must say it's a reather comfy couch! woke up at 5 then at 7 and eventually decided to get up at 9, lol. wanted to take the 08:40 bus into town but realised the library only opens up at 15:00 so there isn't point . when i'm finished the post i'll post up some of those car pictures we took, 179 of them! turns out it's mainly cause basti isn't really sure how my camera works and in the begining he was taking about 4 photos of the same car right after each other, so when you're looking through the photos you can actually see the people walking in the background... now we know how harry potter does it! lol

so aparently he is being transferred to cape town, or wants to be (talks a bit fast sometimes) and he is making it a daily habbit of interogating me about everything from parking and the best place to get a drink to the cars and public bathrooms. it was sort of entertaining at first and now sometimes i just feel like talking kak. but atleast he's doing research, which is somehing i didn't really do when i came here. he also has a habbit of telling me where he is going and when he'll be back. um... okay. just haven't been able to figure out how to say "i'm not your mum or girlfriend so as long as you clean the kitchen when you're done i don't really mind where you go" in german. oh well, i guess he's just being polite. he could have ignored me completely but he tries to involve me so i should be gratefull. lol

really don't feel like shopping today but we're out of bread and sugar and cheese and tea... i should go make a list. never realised just how quickly a guy can eat you out of the house. joh.

you got your internet back today mommy? missing our morning email conversations. how's the book coming along, still just have to let me know what exactly you want me to draw for you.

well, let me go update some other profiles and things... yipee, i think i have way too many accounts... blogger, myspace, facebook, damn...

alone at last...

2007-06-07T09:28:00.000+02:00

TIME: 09:30
DOING: drinking fizzy apple juice
LISTENING TO: indigo girl - watershed
MOOD: exuberant
WEATHER: i see the sun shining

so the family left at 1 this morning leaving me here on my own unitl the 18th... 11 glorious days all on my own doing nothing, of course i have to make sure the house doesn't burn down and i got to water the plants every second day. but i aint complaining.

<-- moon flowers and some yellow flowers. see them all over here (these were taking at the sheep farm down the road)

so what's the first thing i did all alone today? i woke up at 5... decided no bloody way and forced myself back into a light coma though i did wake up every hour. decided i am sooooooo not waking up that early. oh wel, guess my brain just decided it had enough sleep.

i'm supposed to phone the croatian embassy in south africa to see if i can get a quick travelers visa as they are going on a 2 week holiday again in july/august. and angie really wants me to come with, she was all in a huff at the consulate yesterday. calling them stupid croations, dumb germans, and saying they are worse than the turks. didn't think it was a good idea to point out the fact that she german and going to holiday in croatia, so just sat back as she dictated and somehow packed most of the house into the sprinter... she's almost as good as you mum!

so, going to be a lazy day of reading, talking to tae and rhian and working in the garden. yay. have to go replan those roses before the keel over and there are some weeds that need to go. atleast i don't cut the lawn, made that one very clear. so bastie is going to earn his stay here everyweekend by mowing the lawn... *insert evil little laugh*

mommy i need your advice... do i get my little place (sharing with rhian and tae), study and have a part time job next year. or do i go to scotland? i'm really considering studying. would you please phone: 021 425 4381 / 083 542 3083 and ask for all the information you can get on the diving medicine, would i be able to as i have my BAA etc. and would it be adviced i do the STCW course aswell etc. please? cause the course schedule is in excel and the germans dont use that here. please? thank you mommy. want to know how long the courses are and what they are going to cost me etc, maybe then it would be easier to decide what i want to do next year. oish... life really bites you when you aint in school anymore. granti, heather, pomi, jellybean, all you others - enjoy school while you can and have all the fun available to you!

i am ... chocolate

2007-06-06T10:13:00.000+02:00

You are Milk Chocolate

A total dreamer, you spend most of your time with your head in the clouds.

You often think of the future, and you are always working toward your ideal life.

Also nostalgic, you rarely forget a meaningful moment... even those from long ago.

What Kind of Chocolate Are You?

... update

2007-06-05T19:26:00.000+02:00

<-- even the stones know i love you!

time: 19:26

doing: nothing

listening to: cupids chokehold - gym class heroes

mood: pissed off

weather: monkey's wedding

so hardly had time to sit down and think silently to myself today. linda did come round and had to entertain her while julian and gerhard were at the hairdresser. father and son haircut day.

eventually persuaded all the kids to walk down the the river thingum and they played around there "catching fish" and collecting pretty rocks, my pockets were magickally heavier on the way home... i wonder why. took photos but they didn't come out the best, you try taking photos in the rain and making sure no one drowns at the same time. pfft!

was sitting there in the rain just looking at the kids playing, surrounded by tall trees and the streams on either side. nothing but shrieks of excitement, birds and the fall of the rain to be heard. that's when i realised that i did do the right thing coming here. how many people have the chance to see the world and get paid at the same time?

so the family leave tomorrow then i am here on my own for a week. angie bought some plants so atleast i can work in the garden one of the days. and i can always take that walk and take better pictures. going to have soooo much time, can't wait.

julian is starting to realise that i am here for him and today he even ran to me when he got hurt, ven though angie was standing at the car. was a nice feeling. being an au pair really gives you sort of an idea what being a mum is like. really get attached to the little buggers.

and as for you heather. i know it isn't a rumour so don't you go writting pissy little blogs about hating the world and slitting your wrists. you made a stupid mistake and it's no use lying to yourself about it. so just give up the act, unfortunately we live in a small world and word gets around very quickly, no matter how much you want it to just dissapear. but thank you for the pretty post. it means you actually listened when i spoke. i just hope it sinks in.

and as for brendon... boy - you better hide your sorry ass when i come home!

do not fear not death, but rather the unlived life...

2007-06-05T10:10:00.001+02:00

time: 10:12
doing: watching tuck everlasting
listening to: *points up*
mood: uncertain
weather: slightly overcast

atleast i didn't oversleep again this morning, which is good seeing as i have to fetch julian from kindergarten today, getting a lift with anita so will go at 12 already... oish. what to do with him for 4 hours... um... weather isn't really good enough to play outside. hold on. isn't linda supposed to come today? oh well, now my brain is lost and confused. sounds normal though.

was looking at the photo i put up now, thinking that when i get home next year, or maybe even after, if i have a little money to spend, i'm going to have some nice photos taken with ian. i think it's something everyone should do, i did it with the family this year and maybe a few nice photos of rhian and i, maybe drag tae along. and ian makes a person laugh and feel comfortable which is good. but we shall see what happens, time brings many things and none are ever for certain.

so the whole language thingum is coming on a lot better 4 weeks with nothing but german and it is rather expected don't you think, lol. angie is also trying very hard to learn english and even has little yellow post-it notes stuck up everywhere with the english word for whatever it is sticking to.

watching tuck reminds me to lve life, to love it, to enjoy every moment of it. and to always have a good relationship with your mother. don't ask to live forever, just ask to live, and live the life you have at every opertunity. always remember to ask why, and don't forget to ask why not.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIVE FOREVER; YOU JUST HAVE TO LIVE

day 22...

2007-06-04T11:36:00.001+02:00

time: 11:40

doing: eating toast

listening to: hide and seek - imogene heap

mood: rushed

weather: warm but windy

woke up soooo late this morning and haev absolutely no bloody idea why seeing as i woke up like everysingle hour again last night. so this morning is a bit of a rush for me, still have to walk to the work just now and was supposed to clean out the friddge this morning but i am going to have no time so will do it while julian is at a friend this afternoon. found the cutest game that i'm going to get for rudi, its about a sock monster. very funny.

monday again today, time is flying by so quickly, so glad. so as far as i know julian has english lessons with sammi again today, good, maybe they'll be listening to another cd this week, cause i alreday know this one out of my head... bus bus we're waiting for the bus bus... it's a bloody earworm i tell you! find myself singing it when i don't realise it... not cool!

anything really good happens i'll update as usual, in a bit of a run this morning, love you all and cape town... you are so lucky! i want rain but here, not in croatia so that the family can go on holiday. but i want rain. though in about august it starts raining and then doesn't stop it just turns to snow that doesnt stop again. was told we are going to have to buy me a snow suite (jacket and pants) because i will get pneumonia in the clothes i have, somehow i don't think my first aid jacket was made to withstand -30°C... oish... can't wait!!!

sunday, end of week 3...

2007-06-04T11:26:00.001+02:00

time: 11:27
doing: nothing
listening to: in the shadows
mood: relaxed
weather: hot and sunny

so on saturday my baby sis got her very first tattoo, this is in about the same place as my star, though a little smaller. but very pretty. where did you get the design heather? reaminds me that i still haven't had mine touched up... shite! oh well.

went cycling this morning to prien, along the scenic route (in the forest area behind the house and all along the river), stopped at a little beach thingum, no sand just big stones that make up a little place where you can sit and watch the waterfall. walked around in the water for a bit (remember that there is no ocean here) then carried on cycling, will be doing it again and taking my camera with this time.

got home and decided to try out my new bikini so grabbed a book and lay on one of the loungers. was soooo nice, until i realised later that my legs were a pretty shade of pink, so was my nose, cleavage and arms... the legs were from laying in the sun, whereas everything else was from our little cycling adventure... oh joy.

that was pretty much sunday, my day off so don't really do much. but just decided i didn't feel like sitting in te house behind a computer so spent the day outside... now i know why i never do that! oh well.

heathers advert... soooo funny!

2007-06-02T12:35:00.000+02:00

http://www.funny-videos.co.uk/videogermancoastguard.html

you'll just have to use the link cause i can't get it to past here...

day 20...

2007-06-02T10:47:00.000+02:00

time: 10:50
doing: blogging and chatting
listening to: fingers - pink
mood: blah
weather: 4°C and raining

so i have absolutely no idea where the family is this morning, woke up to an empty house and the rain pelting against my window. opened up the blinds and *sigh* this is the life...

yeah mum, wanted to put a crystal in but have yet to find a shop here that sells crystals. plus its just as decoration for the kindergarten, only reason its hanging in my room is so it doesn't get damaged. as julian is not allowed in my room unless i'm there or he has permission.

not much news at the moment, never really much news on a weekend is there? seeing as i am alone at home next week most likely, if the weather clears and angie and them go to croatia, bastie said he would come on the weekend to keep me company. shame he's such a strange little boy. funny, but strange. and always traing to steal my cookie dough...!

the dreamcather... my poor fingers

2007-06-01T13:42:00.000+02:00

1st of june... halfway there...

2007-06-01T10:07:00.000+02:00

time: 10:09
doing: nothing
listening to: kryptonite - 3 doors down
mood: gratefull
weather: miserable and windy

morning to you all, i wouldn't say good as i'm having a bit os an upsetting weekend. was even considering walking infront of a car yesterday, that way i might just be injured bad enough and be sent home. just having a bad time right now. no, it's nothing the family did, everything is fine there. i guess it's cause i'm in a country where no one speaks my language because they don't think it's needed and i know no one. but for those of you who are considering comnig to germany for au pair reasons and your language skills aren't all that good make sure that you atleast have a supportive parent and boyfriend at home, because if you don't have atleast one of those things you won't survive here. it can be really really hard out here on your lonesome. and i take my hat off to all those you have done this before me, i really do.

croatia has been postponed as the weather there is as miserable as it is here and no point going if the weather isn't nice. i have to phone the consulate today (if anyone will answer) and see whether my visa would actually allow me into croatia otherwise when they go then i stay home alone... which doesn't really bother me much, croatia will still be there next year and the year after so i'm not woried. i am determined to see all the places written down in my little book... and you just watch me, my passport will get filled!

flowers from julian for you mommy, went picking them yesterday afternoon.

will post a picture of that dream catcher as soon as i've finished adding the feathers and stuffs at the bottom of it. maybe i should make them and sell them to the arts and crasts shop when i get home, time consuming though. but need to find a part time job (not at a video shop!) if i decide to study next year which i think i might, but if studies are longer than a year i am going to have to work in the uk as i will only be able to pay for one years worth of studies.

thank you for the picture of rudi, actually missing him, how weird is that. that you for the sweeties rudi but unfortunately i can't even smell them through a picture (technology isn't that advanced yet).

thank you for saying i can stay at home again next year, but like i said in the email, i feel like such a child and then there is that other matter and i hate doing that, i want him to be able to just stay there. maybe we can rent my old room from you or something. oh well, maybe i can find a part time job that doesn't interfere with studies too much that will pay enough for a small batchelor flat or something, even an old warehouse, lol. love you mom, thanks for all your support.

day 18... and my first alone trip to prien

2007-05-31T12:44:00.000+02:00

time: 12:49

doing: drinking vanilla coke!!!

listening to: i don't wanna be - gavin degraw

mood: broke...

so i had to wake up early this morning, well at 07:30 anyway to be ready to catch the bus at 08:20 - for which i was nearly late, till i realised that my watch is 5 minutes fast... mmm...

was weird not having to watch out for julian ever 2minutes but was actually a relief, no stress. just me on my own time - which you have a lot of when you take the bus into town becuase of the schedules they run, its like a 4 hour stay till the next bus arrives.

first stop was the wool shop to buy curtain stuff for angie. then it was off to NKD which is like a mr price here, still not as cheap but in there standards yeah. bought a black bikini with white flowers on the top... highly doubt the bottom will fit me, going to be way to big but oh well, not like i wear a bikini often, if ever. also bought a black skirt to replace the one that karma ate, seeing as it wasnt replaced. and then found a really nice black zip up jersey on sale... i like sales. :)

bikini - 14 €

jersey - 10 €

skirt - 6 €

so my little shopping cost me 30 € and a few cent but i think that was a good buy seeing as angie pays like 200 € for one pair of jeans... hell no!

then i bought 2 diddl notepads (cant help it, he's sooo cute) and that should last me a month or three, depends on how much i write i guess. was another 5 € for both.

found a bag i will be buying next month, as mine is just a bit impractical and uncomfortable, specially when i have to carry around julians toys and stuff in it. i suppose i could have bought it today but i completely forgot abou it. woops

found a lovely little backery that makes the best bretzn i've had here so far, and i can sit there and write for a while waisting the time away. next stop was library to return a computer game of julian's - library is closed until 3... blah!

bought a hoolahoop next - not for me, for the dream catcher! and had to walk around with it for the remainding 2 hours... not cool! by now i desperately needed the toilet and tried to follow the signs telling me where there was one but that was unsuccesful so tried the little shop at the bus station in hopes of finding one there... no such luck. but i did find my new favorite monthly stop... i got a cosmo - in english!!! but i pay 6.95 € for it as it is the UK edition. oh well, only happens once a month. btw, heather all my cosmos are still at the vid shop, dont you please want to go fetch them for me? thanks. AND I FOUND VANILLA COKE!!! was soooooo happy. and its the only shop i've found that sells it!

tae, you would loooove this cosmo edition...

mum, is there any chance you could please slip a pair or two of toe socks into my parcel. cant buy them here. german fashion seems to have found louisa's sense of style, yet no one wears it. no idea why the shops stock it but hey.

yeah thats about it at the moment, as usual if there is anything really interesting that happens between now and tonight i'll let you know. but as for now, i have to go make a really BIG dream catcher... wish my fingers luck.

mwah

day 17 ...

2007-05-30T13:09:00.000+02:00

time: 13:11

doing: eating cherry yoghurt and drinking vanilla tea, lol.

listening to: breath - breaking benjamin

mood: creative

busy making weird little plastic mould thingums with julian, i have him till 4 then i think he's going to play at his cousin again.

i got my visa and passport back, had to drive all the way to rosenehim for it again. but i have it and its valid till 14 feb which is okay as i am in process of aranging and getting papers etc for my uk visa. yay. not much news today, none at all really. but if anything interesting happens during the course of the day i will let you know. i love sitting on my balcony and watching the snow on the nearby mountains.

i like the little picture, pon and zi are soooo cute and they're little comments are often true, like this one about gummi bears. lol

day 16...

2007-05-29T10:58:00.000+02:00

time: 11:01

doing: watching gummi bears

listening to: gummi bears...

mood: freezing my toes off...

took a photo of some plant in angie's garden, looks kinda pretty, photo didn't come out too bad either. lol

went into prien with julian, had to take photos for my croatian visa, buy airtime, curtain stuffs and some stuff to make dream catchers. the kindergarten theme is indian this year and aparently no one can make them, also can't buy them unless you drive to rosenheim and pay your bum off.

bought cherry coke today... 1.5o € but it tastes just like the dixie cola you get at home... and no vanilla coke here either. blah!!!

it is currently 4.5°C outside and raining nonstop since about 22:30 last. so got soaked in prien. went into NDK to buy a bikini but decided i'll do it tomorrow when i don't have julian with me. lady was looking at me funny, buying a bikini while its pouring down outside. woops, lol.

going to make dreamcatchers just now, doing a lot of arts and crasts with julian, and colouring. him and i have two hours together everyday and then he has two hours with a friend of his choice. he's slowly learning to do what i ask and not question or say no.

i need to buy a new notepad, i write so much mine are almost finished. lol, maybe see if i can buy a diddl or diddlina one somewhere tomorrow, got 4 hours in town anyway. lol

mwah to you guys.

german party photos...

2007-05-29T10:54:00.001+02:00

day 15...

2007-05-28T10:24:00.000+02:00

time: 10:25
doing: getting ready for my first german party
listening to: cotton eyed joe - rednex

another one of yesterday's photos... going to have to buy a few reachargeable battries cause the ones i have die so damn quickly.

so, it's some or other public holiday again and they doing the whole traditional celebration thingum again... meaning they've found a reason to drink more beer... lol, and i'm going with this morning, hope it doesn't last too long, not really in the mood for a whole lot of loud germans and no one i know... just not.

will let you know how it went and upload a whole lot of photos when i caome back, or tonight again. whenever i have a few seconds to spare.

hope all is good there in marmite monster country. weather is nice and nippy here today, good thing i bought that expensive jacket... see, i kew there was a reason for it! haha. anyway, got to run, think julian is almost finished putting on his lederhösen (how ever you spell it...).

:: K I S S E S ::

... updated

2007-05-27T20:29:00.000+02:00

time: 20:33

doing: absolutely nothing

listening to: how to save a life - the fray

mood: mmm... loved

this is what happens when you post in the morning... you have to update your blog!

photo is one i took outside of some pretty red flowers that julian and i saw while out walking. (look it even has my name on it) i'm starting to get the hang of my camera, getting a few really good shots out of it. maybe i should do a course in photography... mmm...

we had a "braai" tonight. pfft, couldn't call that a braai if you had your eyes closed the whole time. oh well i guess they tried. lol.

mom, will be sending you a list of things, light things, that i can think of tomorrow, just got to think about what i need first. but thanks a million. really enjoyed that parental discription on your blog... yeah yeah yeah... oh, angie asks if you can please send lots more photos, especially the garden... i might have been bragging a little :P

and, man. what was i going to say now. um... oh well will email you when i think about it again. rhian says he'll visit as soon as transport is fixed...

i think i would have fallen over or had to do a double take if rudi said that around me... my word. how is he doing btw? heather says he's still bratty?

lol... i now have a "guest bedroom" sounds weird, i'm no longer family... now i'm a guest. lol.

i really like this picture... but anyway. i think that's about it.

day 14... end of week 2!

2007-05-27T08:59:00.001+02:00

time: 09:01
doing: drinking vanilla tea...
listening to: save tonight - eagle eye cherry

<--- haha, rhian made me take a photo last night. so this is me in complete boredom around half 10 at night. not very good but hey. lol.

the days are slowly starting to get shorter here again, this side of the world doesn't seem to wait for any soltices. hey! for those of you that don't know... the 30th of june is a blue moon, and those that don't know what a blue moon is - you sad sad people... but i will enlighten you, it's the second full moon in a month and it only happens every few years or so.

off day again today. so won't get up to much as usual. looked at photos of bastie's holiday in venice last night, all i can say is wow! put venice on the list of places i want to see. lol, just thinking now... i'm really going to have a nomad life aint i? staying here and there, with odd jobs so i can see the world. i guess i'll eventually settle down but right now all i want to do is travel and mark everything off my lists.

so, the new harry potter book comes out 21 july and costs 18, 90 € if i order it off amazon.de which i am going to do the moment i have my bank account. internet shopping and ebay is how everything is done here. all the cars, bikes, everything... ebay! it's weird. but yeah. will definately be buying "harry potter and the deathly hallows" the adult edition, it has a whole lot more pages.

i baked sugar biscuits last night, bastie tried to steal the dough cut outs, nearly smacked him with the rolling pin! then he tried stealing out the oven which he figured was a bad idea. so when the batch came out the oven i said he could have one, he took it and put it straight in his mouth... they were still hot... karma

btw mum... when you have a blog you supposed to blog daily, not a random post (as good as it is) and then just forget about it!

and rudolph... thank you soooo much for all the help. it's amazing. if it wasn't for you i'd most likely just have do it all the hard way. interested in the teaching job... tell me more?

day 13...

2007-05-26T19:17:00.000+02:00

time: 19:18

doing: drinking vanilla tea

listening to: time of your life - greenday

<--- julian and his stitches, during our trip to prien, had to keep him busy so he decided to play monkey on the barriers... wearing everything orange! (he dressed himself)

today there's no news. cept that i am going to croatia on friday for a week so there won't be any updates or post or e-mail while i'm there. but promise to take lots of photos... oh and for those of you who don't already know... our camping place is a nudist camp site. this could be an experience, at least i'm allowed to wear clothes if i want. i am given the option to go with or stay, but like i said to sammi, i'm in germay for crying out loud, it's just my first step to seeing the world, and i said i'm going with. i mean hello?! when an oppertunity knocks, no matter how odd or different it is, take it. i don't want to look back and say 'i could have' i want to be able to tell my child 'mommy did'. but maybe i'm weird.

i love it when it rains here, not like in cape town. here it really really rains, it's gorgeuos. wish you could all smell it, feel it, see it. it's a real experience. and soooo stunning.

found a tattoo parlour in prien...

day 12...

2007-05-25T10:55:00.000+02:00

time: 10:57
doing: starving (groceries only tomorrow)
listening to: lay all your love on me - sylver

so i decided to add a playlist to my blog, its got 71 tracks and has a random select, so you shouldn't here the same song everytime you log on to my site... haha, fun fun. no plants to water today so had a bit of spare time.

mum - still wating for an e-mail and for you to update your blog!!! how am i suppoed to know what's happening at home if you don't keep me updated? oh, btw... i am in BAVARIA! aparently thats the english name for bayern. go figure, i'd get on a plane and fly somewhere and not even really know where i'm going... would only be me. lol

heather - don't you please want to sneak some of that magic black dye we use into the parcel before mum sends it? everyone here either has red or blonde hair... i want my black hair back!!! please. will repay you if it's thats important. see if you can get one of those chocolate cookies in there that you owe me while you're at it.

have to go into prien with angie again today, we are going to try open a bank account for me :) send i want to try save as much as i can for the uk next year. visa is going to cost me 31o € and i have to drive to münich to hand it in but it's all worth it.

having tea with sammi today... yay. english! and anita has said that whenever i don't know what to do at home i must just walk over there as she also has off in the mornings. aparently the nightlife amongst the younger generation here is big, wouldn't know and not sure if i'm actually all that interested right now. have a feeling i will be dragged with sooner or later though.

found an easy and cheap way to shop! angie gets a catalogue that is reasonably priced. (i refuse to buy anything with a price over 40 €) need undies and a pair of pants, so will have a look in there and maybe order next month. i'm allowed to put that in my budget right? if i need then i need it? already decided against buying a new cellphone. will just stick with the one i have. not like i really use it here, mostly as an mp3 when and if i go walking and to recieve sms, mainly from rhian as mum finds it easier to just email and tae chats on mxit... tisk tisk people. dankie liefe (though you've also found emailing is cheaper these days...)

well that's about all for now i guess... oh wait. the picture: it's a peony can't remember how to spell it in german now, but anyway, it's catholic and on monday there is yet another public holiday celebrating these flowers or the religious day, not really sure. just know that everything is closed again... yay.

... updated

2007-05-24T23:05:00.000+02:00

our bus... number 9494, always take the same one to prien and back.

trip to prien went better than yesterday, chased julian around the park a little as we had to wait for the bus another 15 minutes and he hates waiting. went for ice cream again, it's now becoming a tradition, like buying rudi a juice or a sweet when we walk to the shop. kinda miss his little bratty face, lol. anita and charlie came over just as we came back, that kept julian busy for a while. then it was angie's time with julian, he played chiemsee outside and ended up getting sopping wet with the sprinkler.

had left over spaghetti with pesto for supper, angie put julian in bed and that's about it. just chatting with rhian and tae now seeing as mum has gone to bed and heather is ignoring me. mmm... what a sad life i lead... NOT! hehehe

OMF! i saw german goths today... i spose it takes all sorts, the one girl had black hair but where i i path my hair so was hers cept that the one side was all shaved off... and her hair was waist length, well what wasn't shaved off anyway. don't know how easily i'm going to make friends here when i always have julian with me, though did make friends with the guy at the ice cream store, lol. and atleast next week there are going to be another 2 au pairs - english! coming, not by me but everything here is close. so we will most likely have all the kids get together, if it's up the parents that is. they have this thing that all the au pairs should get together, oh well. if not why not.

day 11...

2007-05-24T09:47:00.000+02:00

time: 09:48

doing: just finished watering the downsatairs plants

listening to: "girlfriend" by avril

so it's off in to town again at two, guess i should go shower before then ey... i love procrastinating. just watered the outside pot plants and lower level of the house, still have to do the baclony plants and those in my room. mum, how often should house plants be watered? also unpacked and repacked the dishwasher already. have to vaccuum the passage later, julian came trapesing in after playing chiemsee in the garden yesterday so it's sand everywhere. oish, kids.

i tell you one thing, being an au pair is seriously making me reconsider having children... ever! lol, when i think about how i like traveling and such it's not a really good idea having kids anyway, always moving etc, was a good life for me, i enjoyed it but i never stayed in contact with people or got too close cause i know that when i do i end up moving again. weird but very true.

seriously considering going to the uk next year for a year or so, maybe after that i'll go to the us and work there for a year, do a bridging course and become a paremedic or doctor (depends on if i study at home for a year or so). i want to be able to enjoy life and pay my own way. i hate having to depend on other people, it's not nice.

update later again though.

day 10...

2007-05-23T22:01:00.000+02:00

time: 22:29
doing: mutitasking... hehehe
listening to: fairytale gone bad

this is another of our very good friend of ours... the kettle/cupaccino maker/ a whole lot of functions i'm not sure about... but this poor baby works overtime in this house, drink about 6 litres worth of coffee a day, and that's just when i fill it, out of that i have about 3 cups of tea, and they soooo not like my mug at home :(

sorry i couldn't blog last night... got an earfull from mum about that this morning... lol. but all is back to normal again, computer finally works! yay. my morning ritual was screwed this morning without being able to chat or blog... need atleast an hour - it's my drug and i like it! hehehehe

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SQUISHY!!!
hope things are going a little better than they were this morning, any luck with the job search? holding thumbs for you.

last night i made bratkartoffeln and pork steaks... yips i cooked meat. turned out good, or atleast angie and gerhard had nothing bad to say. mmm... i wonder. gerhard did complain a little about the meatless spaghetti tonight though - angie cooked, not me! i just made the spaghetti...

took a bus into prien this afternoon, julian loves the bus. got off at the staion and looked like a down right tourist with my map of the town trying to find the library... ended up stopping for ice cream first - sugar energy for our mission there, lol. didn't have any though, maybe tomorrow. eventually found the library... spotted a vodashop on the way. aparently we took our own game with, and hence why we have to go back again tomorrow. had my phone mms and internet enabled at the vodashop (forget internet though, bloody chowed all my airtime, have to go buy more tomorrow! not cool.) and bought angie some nougat (her soft spot) just to say thank you. don't think the germans do that often for each other though. i like bringing something back, like when i used to bring mum fudge or chocolate every now and again.

posted letters on monday... let's see how long it takes to get there... costs 2€ to send a letter home. but angie said she'll pay, i gave here the money but she refused. will have to buy her a nice plant for the office or something.

missing you all a tremendous amount!

rudolph, enjoy spain! you lucky fish you.
squishy, good luck again.
mum, was nice hearing your voice again this morning, miss you stax.
heather, chill.
grant, breathe.
liefie, big mwah and hug.
daxi, heard you gave in about the bedroom... joh joh joh...
daddy, you okay?

just had to post this...

2007-05-22T19:42:00.000+02:00

ladies: this will make you tear up :)
fellas: read it,all of it! :)

1-touch her waist
2-talk to her
3-share secrets
4-give her your jacket
5-kiss her slowly

are you remembering this?

6-hug her
7-hold her
8-laugh with her
9-invite her somewhere
10-let her be with you when you're with your friends

keep reading

11-smile with her
12-take pics with her
13-pull her onto your lap
14-when she says she loves you more, deny it. fight back
15-when her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. fightback and hug her tight so she cant get to her friends. it makes her feel loved

Are you thinking about someone?

16-always hug her and say "i love you" when you see her
17-kiss her unexpectedly
18-hug her around the waist from behind
19-tell her shes beautiful or gorgeous... not sexy!
20-tell her the way you feel about her!

oh, and on that last one... u need to show her you mean it too

21-Open doors for her, walk her to her car- it makes her feelprotected, plus it never hurt to act like a gentleman
22-Tell her she means everything to you, but mean it
23-if it seems like there is something wrong, ask her- if she denies something being wrong, it means she doesn't want to talk about it- so just hug her
24-make her feel loved
25-kiss her infront of other girls you know

we might deny it but we actually like and kinda want you to tickle us

26-don't lie to her
27-dont cheat on her
28-take her anywhere she wants
29-txt messege or call her in the morning and tell her have a goodday, and how much you miss her
30-be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can always count on you

are you still reading this? u better be, its important

31. Hold her close when she's cold so she can hold you too.
32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the cheek; (it will give her the hint that you wantto kiss her).
34. While in the movie, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.
35. Dont ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If she's upset, comfort her

remember this next time you are with her

36. When people diss her, stand up for her.
37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.
38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listensto you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her hand.
40. When you hug her hold her in your arms as long as possible

MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED

41. Call her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
43. Take her for long walks at night.
44. Always Remind her how much you love her. you'll never know when she needs just a lil more love.

potato soup with celery

2007-05-22T10:45:00.000+02:00

last nights dinner... very good:

500g cubed potatoes
400g celery (they use a celery ball... loos almost like a hard cabbage)
1 onion
1tbs butter
1L broth
4 sausages - can leave this out or add later... :)
1/2 bunch parsley
3tbs fresh cream
salt
cayenne pepper

* wash, peel and cube the potatoes and celery.
peel and finely chop the onions

* grease pan and fry onions till light brown.
add potatoes and celery, don't fry long.

* add the litre of broth to the pot.
leave to cook for 20 minutes.

* stir the cream into the soup mixture, adding
the salt and cayenne pepper to taste, also add the
parsley now.

once done, you can just let it simmer on 4 or 5 until you eat, the longer you leave it to simmer te thicker it gets...

(just a quick note: now that i am working and have the mornings off meaning nothing exciting happens i am going to only do my daily post update once i have put julain in bed at 8, that way i have more to say about what happened and what we did, instead of always talking about the previous days... sorry mum. mwah)

LIFE IS ONE BIG EMPTY CANVAS

once upon a time

for you

love can conquer

when the dead speak

and then there was one

hearts in the sand

selfish

just listen

how cruel are we

day two, nandos and pink rulers

Tuesdays, electro shock exercise and a chocolate cookie...

early bird

sushi, sparky and blow jobs on the beach

i've got the answers, can someone please tell me what the questions are?

-- so let's slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful --

- hibernation is over -

quick quick

-- home at last --

-- my bad, will try update more often --

sunday again

yeah, i am still alive. well kinda anyway...

-- quick quick --

-- mwah --

-- time seems to fly when it's cold --

-- the holidays are over and i'm going to canada --

--

photos of herbsfest for mommy...

novelties and liquid courage...

ooooh.... my brain is numb

MONDAY... and counting

-- just letting you know --

why are men so fucking childish?!

-- zombified --

making missions...

new e-mail address

friday... my two weeks of peace are soon over

languages, BIRTHDAYS and sexy snow clothes...

just another manic monday

vanishing me

waiting for an edward of my own to save me from this coma

aaaah another day has come and gone

just another day

death to a tuesday

nog 'n naweek het sy gat gesien...

friday and i'm alone

thursdays, quiet time and me... lol

wednesday... halfway there

aaaaaaaaaaaah - it's a me again

wood parties, german barmaids and letting people help you

woops, my bad...

ebay, bank accounts and POST!!!

ohne dich ist alles doof...

wednesdays and fishies

i'm soooo special :)

2 july 2007 (half-way through the year)

IT'S FINALLY FRIDAY!!!

thursday...

cold, snowy wednesday

HEY, IT'S OKAY...

monday again. *sigh*

seefest... yip, another fest

woops

grr...

bad day

weekend update...

my new life song...

aut viam inveniam aut faciam

tuesday...

I GOT A WEBCAM!!!

sunday 10th

i know i know

miss you mommy

saturday, june 9th

my scrapbook... so far

scrapblogger

friday, day 26...

alone at last...

i am ... chocolate

... update

monday again. sigh